So today is the start of Mental Health Awareness Week (if you couldn’t have guessed by the title) and I thought it’d be a travesty not to write this week.
So I might not be able to commit to a post every day as I’ve not done a huge amount of planning but I want to write as much as I can. I’ll be uploading a post to the blog that we do at work so I’ll be linking to that at some point. This year’s theme is Surviving or Thriving? It’s a good theme and one that I often ponder.
I’ll try to discuss that theme later on in the week but today I’m here to talk a bit about one of the worst parts of depression and anxiety (in my opinion).
The feeling of loneliness.
My depression often makes me feel worthless. It makes me feel like I’m undeserving of friends and on my worst days that I don’t have friends. I used to (and occasionally still do) think to myself that my friends weren’t my friends at all. Instead they were gaining my trust so that they could pull some kind of shitty pranks on me and were just waiting for the right time to humiliate me. And I thought that they were all in on it too. Even the ones who don’t know each other. So while my depression makes me feel like I don’t have friends, my anxiety has a different effect.
Anxiety prevents me from reaching out to people for fear of alienating the few friends I imagine I have. And so begins the spiral of loneliness as a result of mental illness. My brain tells me I have no friends and I’m worthless and as a result of that insecurity I become too anxious to attempt to make any new friends.
I’m one of the fortunate ones though. My friends have proven time and time again that they’re there for me. That they’re real friends. That it’s not some sort of sick and extremely elaborate hoax. I know I have so many people I can turn to. People as close as London, as far as Newcastle. Hell one of my best friends is all the way in Australia. And they’re always there for me. Some are friends I’ve made online through video games or forums or Instagram. I have managed to find friends when I thought I had none and would never have any and I’m grateful for every single one of them. And if they ever need me, if they ever feel like I did and sometimes still do, I’m going to make sure that they know I’m always going to be in their corner.
Sometimes you really have to look and reflect to see who’s really there for you. I really genuinely hope and pray that anyone who has the same thoughts as me can fight through them, reach out and remember that people care. If you really can’t think of anyone, remember that I care. I’m in all of your corners. I got you.
If you’re struggling with your mental health, please make sure you contact your doctor. You can also access counselling services and other treatments, often for free through charities.
If you’re in the UK check out these guys:
Be there for one another. Look after yourselves.