2017 – A year of ups and downs.

So if you’ve read my most recent posts, you’ll know that life has been a bit mental this year. I was made redundant from a job, someone I respected passed away, my gran became really ill. More recently I found out I was being made redundant again and my gran passed away this weekend. All in all this year has been a bit of a shitter.

However many downs there have been I think it’s also important to remember the ups too. Good things have happened this year and whether they’re big or small, I think they’re worth mentioning. So after four days away seeing some amazing people in Newcastle, I’m trying to refocus and re-evaluate life. Before I start spilling my brain all over this blog though, here are some of the big and little things that I’m grateful for.

The Big Stuff:

My Friends

The fact that I know I could go to Newcastle and stay with two amazing people any time I need to is amazing. The fact that so many of my friends have been checking in with me and have been kind enough to offer me beer, food, a comforting ear, a day of singing and music or a conversation to take my mind off life is massively appreciated. One of my friends is even spending Christmas with me this year and will be flying over from Australia. Most importantly though, none of my friends have made me feel bad about skipping out on social things to take time for my brain and my family.

My Family

No one likes their family 100% of the time but I really think most people genuinely love their families. I really do love my family. I don’t always show it and I definitely could do more for my family. But if this year has shown me anything, it’s that my family is great (not that I didn’t know it before). Whether it’s the family a few doors down or family from across the world this year has made my family even tighter than before. I appreciate my family a lot.

My Job

Okay so I’m being made redundant but one thing I’m really grateful for is how flexible they’ve been with me. I’ve been allowed to work from home whenever I need it and leave at 5pm and finish the day at home. My colleagues have been amazingly understanding and I’m really grateful that I ended up in such a good team.

The Little Things:

Video Games

So the little things might seem trivial but I’m going to start with video games. I love video games. I play with people I’ve never met online and I play games that friends have recommended me and I talk to them about the game constantly. It might seem silly for a lot of people but for me, especially this year, videogames have been a fantastic escape for me into a fantasy world or twelve.

Internet

Okay so I’m not talking about social media or YouTube or anything. I’m talking about broadband and WiFi. I was paying a silly amount of money for internet that was barely working. But I changed WiFi provider and I now have super fast super reliable internet. So yeah it allows me to enjoy things like Netflix and YouTube which is another great escape.

My Camera

I’m not the most active on YouTube any more and I’m not the greatest film maker or photographer in the world but fuck me, taking the camera out for a day of shooting video or doing a photography tour is absolutely amazing fun.

Sidenote: If you’d like to come along on a photography tour of London with me for the amazing Project Parent come along to the event page here:

https://www.facebook.com/events/181144485778845/

So as I mentioned at the start, 2017 has been a bit of a shitter, but it’s not all been bad. Thanks to everyone who’s made my 2017 slightly more bearable and occasionally a whole lot of fun. Still though, fuck 2017.

Progress, Updates and Next Steps.

So it’s been a while again. This job hunting thing is taking up a fair bit of time.

But anyway, this is another short update on the blog, the YouTube channel and social.

The blog is still going to be getting updated and soon it’s going to be more regularly and more consistently! Same with the YouTube channel. I’m in the middle of editing episode 2 of the Invisible Illness Human Library. You should have a look at episode 1 if you haven’t done so already. Things are changing quite a bit though. Every month we’re going to be posting about a specific topic. Those topics aren’t ready to be revealed yet but there’s some really cool stuff coming!

Regarding YouTube, a wonderful wonderful update is that I’m not alone any more! A friend of mine Lily, pictured below, is going to be creating a video for us. If you guys watch and love her stuff she might even agree to make more for us! Lily is a cracking film maker and she’s an alright person too, I guess.

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Welcome to the crew, Lily! 

Regarding social media, Twitter and Facebook will be going up in June-ish. You’ll be able to follow us and like us soon so keep your eyes peeled for an announcement! This is all really exciting and I can’t wait to share the new and improved Success In Selflessness with you all!

A

The Internet And Online PC Gaming: A Double-Edged Sword

I love the internet in so many ways. The internet allows me to connect with people across the world through my blog, Facebook, Twitter etc. It allows me to join communities that I wouldn’t ever be able to access without it.

I’ve recently taken a dive back into online gaming. I’ve played games online since I was about 15 and always been very aware that there are some arse wipes in the online community. So when I hit 17 or so, I stopped playing competitive games online. I played single player games and co-operative games where there was a lot less random abuse being thrown around.

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There are also a lot of Harambe jokes about Winston! Pahahaha

At 25 I finally dove back into the competitive online gaming scene through Overwatch. It’s a brilliantly addictive game and I’m beginning to think that I’ve become obsessed with it. It features a diverse cast of characters from around the world and most of the voice actors are native speakers of the languages that the characters speak. When I’m not playing the game, I watch streams online of other people playing, I watch videos on YouTube of people playing the game and then try to emulate what they’re doing whenever I play (I’m notoriously bad at video games so I need all the help I can get).

One thing I was completely not prepared for was how horrible and disgusting people can be and how seriously people take something that’s supposed to be for fun. I’m not talking about the pros, of course. If that’s their job, by all means take it seriously.

If you’re just playing for fun, you get a whole heap of abuse and anger thrown your way. Even when you’re not playing in the games hyper serious “Competitive” mode. Some of the insults are pretty nasty. Some are a little less intense, the “you suck” and “you’re really bad at this game” are not constructive but also not particularly offensive. The others though, fuck me…

I was playing a game recently on a map called Lijiang Tower which is based in China and within seconds, people start making racist comments about the Chinese, the culture, their “slitty eyes”, the classic “HERRO” and lots more. Of course, I called them out and mentioned that I’m Chinese and they’re being pretty shitty. Their response was “do you eat dogs though?”. My response was obviously a “no” to which they responded “well then you’re not a real chink are you?”. In 2017…

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It’s not all bad, there’s the occasional fake proposal too. 

This is the tip of the iceberg too. God forbid you’re a woman and you play the game. The number of rape comments, “why aren’t you making me a sandwich” comments, and “fake female gamer” comments is unreal but ultimately extremely common. First of all, and most simply, how can someone be a fake gamer? If they’re playing the game they’re a fucking gamer. Why do so many men think that playing video games is/should be a solely male past time. Secondly every time I stand up for someone mid game, you can be sure that I get abuse too but mine is nothing compared to the women I speak up for. Even when they’re insulting me, it’s still directed very much at the women. Thirdly, you know the insults will fly thick and fast if the women are just better at the game. Holy crap, some of the men who play this game have such fragile egos that losing to a woman at a video game results in them hurling abuse at them. Finally, NOTHING, anyone does warrants threats of rape or murder. Stop it you disgusting pieces of human shaped shit.

Sadly, this isn’t something exclusive to the realms of online gaming. It’s the whole internet. Reddit is a pretty horrendous place sometimes. Again, I use it to read creepy stories, discuss PC parts, learn how to play the Pokémon card game and learn about science, technology and the world. But some of the most offensive, horrific memes are posted there too.

The internet is a powerful tool for good if used in the right way. It’s also a place where cowards, racists, sexists and straight up stains on society can hide behind a veil of anonymity and speak their horrific, twisted views. The internet makes people brave which isn’t always a good thing.

But the main thing is, I’m sorry to all POC and women who have to put up with this kind of shit. I’ll always do my best to speak up and help. I hope that other people who read this will do the same. And to all you racist, sexist, xenophobic pieces of shit who abuse people in video games and online, just shut your mouth. You’re ruining a great thing for everyone and you’re making yourself look like an absolute fool.

A

Note: All this aside, I also often come across really lovely people. I started chatting to someone on the opposite team who was playing the same character as me and me and the opposite team just hit it off and were having a little fun while playing the game by skating around on walls etc with Lucio. One person on my team got very very angry though and started hurling abuse at me at which point, the other team pointed out I was the only one doing anything of use on my team and to calm down as it’s only a game. I still game with them today.

“Not Really Such Thing As Racism, Just Opinion”

I can’t believe I’m saying this but “Not really such a thing as racism, just opinion” is a thing that an actual human being said on my Facebook. Racism doesn’t exist apparently. We’re all being super sensitive, we’re weak minded and we’re pathetic people for bitching and moaning about being treated differently.

I made a couple of posts recently about how certain races are represented in mainstream media on my Facebook and one on my blog here. I am by no means an expert on race. All I know is that it’s pretty obvious when people are being belittled, ridiculed and made to look like lesser human beings. Sometimes it’s outright disrespect. Other times it’s veiled as a political piece. The shitstorm on my personal Facebook started when I posted about how angry I was about this particular piece of news racist bullshit. The same person who denied that racism exists said that just after having said “I was hoping you were Asian and Black so that we would have two reasons to discriminate against you”.

If you really want to watch it, I’ll oblige. I warn you though. It’s garbage. It’s not news.

All you have to do is look at the comments on the video to see that it’s offended people but there are somehow also a shit ton of people who for some reason feel the need to defend this shit. If the people this is about are offended, take a fucking hint. It’s fucking disgusting.

Of course, somehow racists found their way to my Facebook post (even though I don’t know any of them) and started mouthing off that I was being overly sensitive and a whiny, weak-minded bitch. Apparently, we’d all be better off if we’d (people of colour [POC]) stop being such pathetic excuses for human beings. POC have spent hundreds of years being raped, murdered and having their land, resources and cultures stolen and are STILL having to prove themselves to not be inferior. This isn’t just about Chinese people either, Black people across the world, Latinx people, Hispanic people, people from the Middle East, East Asians, the native people of countries like America and Australia. This kind of shit happens to all of us and it’s not okay. We won’t be the quiet subservient POC that you expect us to be.

My original post was this:

Karate is Japanese, they went to a martial arts centre with a south Korean flag (amongst others, but not Chinese), Mr Miyagi isn’t Chinese, this American dude is a piece of shit. Respect to the last guy. He knew what was going on. Fox news and Watters/Oreilly are saying it was all in good fun. How about I take the piss out of American stereotypes. They’re fat, white, racist scumbags who murder and incarcerate thousands of black people every year and think they’re better than everyone else. Not nice is it? Fuck it, it’s all in good fun.

There are tons of other things I could list about that video that are very obviously racist. I won’t bother though. We’d be here for days. After all the comments on Facebook from random ALL WHITE Americans, my friends and I tried to inform them with logic, facts, statistics and literal dictionary definitions and some times even tried to appeal to their sense of empathy. Well played, Alex. Empathy? These people? No chance. They also told me words don’t matter. Walk up to a Black person and call them the N word. See if it matters then. People get brave on the internet, in person, I highly doubt they’d be so willing to say the kind of shit they said to us last night.

However, I do want to say thank you to all of my friends, of all races and ethnicities, who argued back with these random racists, who have shown support on my statuses following the incident, and have sent me messages, texts, calls etc. to make sure that I’m not too upset and have sent me real message of support. POC can speak for themselves but my friends and allies from white communities help so much by helping to tackle ignorance and hatred in their communities. I appreciate you all and I’m proud to know you all.

One friend asked me if I’m on some sort of racist watchlist. I have no idea if I am, but if my speaking up about race is getting me on racist watchlists, I must be doing something right eh?

Racism is real and is a serious problem that is literally killing POC. Don’t forget it, don’t let it happen, don’t stay quiet.

A

P.S. I fully expect some racists to come on here and comment and bitch and moan too. You will be blocked, your comments deleted and your existence forgotten.