The Inexplicable Rage of Alex

So recently with all that’s been going on in my life I’ve noticed a bit of a change in myself which I’m not particularly happy with. I’ve found myself becoming angry over some of the smallest things. I feel like my senses have grown more sensitive to smells, light, sound and touch. So whether I’m sitting in my office or on my train I’ve been keeping my sunglasses and my headphones on to try to block out as many external factors as possible.

I think I know some of the factors that are really affecting me are the crazy personal circumstances that I’ve got going on right now and the distinct lack of quality sleep. Insomnia is a big factor but even the nights where I’m able to sleep I wake up several times. Even though I know the issue, I’m finding it pretty hard to manage it and it’s affected how I deal with regular every day situations. It’s made me grumpy AF (that’s what the cool kids say right?).

So here are some of the regular every day things that I am finding rage inducing at the moment.

  1. Being able to hear people eat even if they’re quiet.
  2. Having to speak to pretty much anyone.
  3. Someone sitting next to me on the train.
  4. Said person being inconsiderate enough to repeatedly hit me with her bag and constantly nudge me as she gorged on the worlds biggest bag of crisps.
  5. Every time anyone in the office says anything.
  6. People saying literally anything that I disagree with even slightly.
  7. People who walk slower than me in the street.
  8. The sound of a train approaching the platform.
  9. Trains.
  10. Not being able to decide what to have for lunch.

So yeah, some of these things are pretty irritating. But while I haven’t had any outbursts yet, I get very very agitated over them. Disproportionately agitated. The loathing I feel for the people/objects is unreal. I’m trying really hard to manage this anger and make sure that I don’t lose it in public but that’s proving very very difficult.

My question to you all is, if you’re ever feeling angry about the smallest things, how do you calm yourself down?

A

A little more Serotonin

So earlier this year, I got my serotonin tattoo and I loved it. You can find my previous post about it here. Primarily it was a tattoo for me to enjoy and to remind myself that I have survived my depression and anxiety for years. A secondary objective was that it would help open up a dialogue between people about mental health and would eventually, alongside this blog, allow me to encourage people to talk about their mental health as though it was their physical health.

The tattoo was certainly not something that I’d be writing a follow up blog about, but here we are! It’s been as amazing for myself as expected but it’s certainly helped a lot of people learn about mental health and has got a lot of people talking to me about their mental health which has resulted in me referring them to various services and quite a few have even ended up seeking help from their doctors.

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Back when it was fresh

The greatest experience I’ve had though was at work one day. I was running a session for a group in Shrewsbury and lots of them asked me about it so we paused the session and had a great open discussion about the tattoo and why I got it. My session was completely derailed but I had the opportunity to be really open about my mental health and they were able to have a really open discussion.

After I got home, I’d received a message from the people who organised it telling me that the discussion had gone on long after my session had ended. This was literally the best news I’d heard.

To me, my tattoo is art. And to think that a simple bit of art done by a random guy in Southgate (who talked a lot about smoking weed which was a little concerning while he was sticking a needle into my arm) has had such an impact on people.

As always, I’m not trying to blow smoke up my own arse, it’s just amazing how something so small and seemingly insignificant can help to tackle stigma, open discussions and challenge perceptions on a topic.

Still here, still awesome

The little things matter. I’m not saying you have to get a tattoo to open up discussions about mental health. I’m just challenging you all to find a small thing that you can do in your day to day life that will help people to be more open about the issues that affect them. It could be something as simple as challenging questionable view about racial stereotypes (which we should all be doing) or telling a story of how an issue has affected you or someone you know.

It could be anything. Just don’t do nothing.

A