Tag Archives: brain

Australia Part 1

Posted on by under Mental Health

So after over a decade I finally got myself out of the UK for a little while. I’m currently staying with my uncle and cousin in Sydney, Australia. I very rarely get to see them so I’m super stoked to be spending some time with them all. It’s only been a few days and jet lag has made things a bit slow but I’m getting the hang of things over here and learning a bit more about the city. So here are the things I’ve learned already.

  1. People are very considerate in public.

In my three days here so far I have barely seen anyone smoking in the street. I’ve been told that people just don’t smoke in the street or in public unless they’re away from other pedestrians. It’s not a law apparently. It’s just good manners.

2. Its very clean.

Alongside that, the city is remarkably clean considering how many people and tourists go through the city every day. The suburbs are even spotless. It seems that people just don’t litter as much and/or the waste management teams in Sydney are fantastic. Either way it’s great.

3. The shops are fucking great.

It was a little bit rainy today so I went and did some shopping instead of doing all the sites. (I want the weather to be banging so that I can get some dope pics for the gram). The three main stores that I went to were EB Games, JB Hi Fi and Books Kinokuniya. By comparison the stores in the UK might as well be a car boot sale. Kinokuniya and JB were particularly impressive. I’ve never seen a bookstore with such variety before. Western literature was abundant as per, but the thing that surprised me was the selection of comic books, manga, merchandise, and entire Japanese and Chinese sections to the store. JB Hi Fi is a strange mish mash of different things. Video games, dvds, PC gaming peripherals, phones, tablets, laptops, drones, cd’s, vinyl. You name it they had it. Also they had some banging deals on so I bought an iPad which I’m typing this on right now!

4. Nature is scary, brilliant and annoying.

On my visit to Toronga Zoo, I learned about a lot of different creatures. From the cute to the demonic. The Lyre Bird can mimic the sound of anything it hears. It is fantastic. The variety of snakes and spiders that can kill you is pretty special. But most notably are the lorikeets who are so obnoxiously loud (as my cousin put it) that they wake me up every morning at sunrise.

5. The beaches are more amazing than I imagined.

No words. Just look at these photos.

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nyway, it’s early days yet. I’m going to Melbourne soon and will be in Australia until the end of the month so I’ll be sure to share my learnings with you.

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Brain Freeze

Posted on by under Mental Health

So I’ve not really been on the radar much over the last few months. I’ve barely written on here, I’ve not made a video for over six months and I’ve not really even seen any of my friends.

Now the vast majority of my friends know what’s been going on with my life and completely understand why I’ve not been around but I’ve not really spoken much about my mental health and how that’s been affected.

So if you’ve read any of my most recent posts, you’ll know a lot has been going on. While I try my best to stay positive and keep my mood up and keep going with everyday things, I am finding it extremely difficult. This is neither a call for attention or a cry for help. I’ll be fine. However, I’ve always believed that sharing my experiences may help others who are going through a similar situation.

Right now my brain is a big ol’ pile of scrambled nonsense. My memory is shocking. Long and short term memory has suffered a lot recently. My brain has decided that remembering things isn’t what I should be focusing on right now. I’ve forgotten things from years ago which people have been telling me about and forgotten things from yesterday which I need to know to get shit done.

My body and mind are constantly tired right now and while I’m exhausted, I’m struggling to sleep. There are a lot of evenings where I’m too tired to even eat, but too buzzed and awake to sleep. This has made work really really difficult. In my job, I’m required to be cheery, happy and personable and right now, I’m just finding that really tough. And that is by far the thing that drains me the most.

My motivation is at an all time low. I don’t want to do anything other than sit home and play videogames. I don’t want to think, I don’t want to work. I am so exhausted, so drained and so demotivated that the idea of applying for a new job is inconceivable.

At the same time, I’m being made redundant. Which you’d think would be good considering where my mind is at the moment. I know I want to take a break from work to look after my brain but at the same time, my brain is in overdrive worrying about where my next paycheck is coming from and what I want to do with my life.

Finally, I don’t want to see people. Even my closest friends. On the flip side, however, I want to be with my friends and want them to know that I’m not avoiding them and that I’m not angry or upset with them. This is arguably the hardest. Logically I know my friends are the most supportive people in the world and won’t ever think that but there’s the other part of my brain that worries that if I don’t see them, if I’m not in contact with them, they’ll not only stop checking in on me or stop inviting me to things but also that they’ll forget me entirely.

Now I know that all of this is a big mess in my mind. Thoughts that can’t be sorted, feelings that can’t be organised. But in time, those feelings and thoughts will sort themselves out. I just need to let my brain remember how to function. I just need to let my brain take a break and reboot. My brain has crashed and I just need to take the time to ctrl-alt-del my life back in order. And that’s okay.

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