Category Archives: Stories

Mental Health Awareness Week: Tag

Posted on by under #cheerupchallenge, Anti-depressants, Anxiety, Depression, Family, Friends, Health, Mental Health, Mental Health Awareness Week, Reflection, Respect, Social, Stigma, Stories, Taboo, Uncategorized, What's On Your Mind?

So it’s come round again pretty swiftly but we’re slap bang in the middle of MHAW.

The delightful Becca has tagged me to talk about my mental health. You should go check out her post here. First things first, thank you to Becca for sharing her story, answering these questions and helping to make talking about your mental health normal. Now, I’m sure regular readers will know a fair bit about my journey but here goes! (Warning, this is going to be a long one.)

  • What mental illness do you have?

I have depression and anxiety.

  • When were you diagnosed?

I was diagnosed with depression when I was 18 and still in college. The anxiety was when I was around 22.

  • Who knows about it?

Almost everyone I know. I try to be as open and honest about it as possible though that doesn’t always happen! The first person who knew was my ex who to this day I’m grateful to for supporting me and getting me the help I needed. We don’t speak anymore but I’ll always be thankful for helping me to get better! The first friend who I told about it was one of my closest friends and my sister from another mister. That was the hardest thing for me, just coming to terms with it all. I was so scared that it would alienate me from other people because I wasn’t normal.

  • Do you receive treatment for it?

I’m currently on a pretty decent dosage of Fluoxetine (I think it’s called Prozac in the states). I’ve been on more different tablets than I can count and have gone to counselling multiple times but believe it or not, the idea of talking about it to help me recover is still quite scary.

  • Has your mental illness stopped you from doing anything?

My anxiety and depression stop me from doing a lot of different things. Though I’m outwardly a very chatty person, I despise meeting new people fearing that they may hate me. It regularly stops me from going out and socialising with friends. So often, I decide to stay at home rather than see people I really want to as I’m so scared of talking to people that I don’t know. My mental illnesses also stop me from doing some really basic things too. It often leaves my body completely exhausted and I sometimes struggle to get out of bed, speak, eat, drink or even breathe sometimes. I’ve also (not for a while, thankfully) once left a restaurant because I couldn’t decide what to eat.

  • Is there anything in particular that has helped you?

Music, art, comic books, videogames and volunteering. Oh and food. I love food. Music is my favourite way to unwind and calm myself down. I love to sing and play. There’s something very therapeutic about creating something. Whether it’s a piece of music, a piece of art, a delicious dish. Or just saving the universe from monsters and aliens. Of course the other huge thing that helps me is having good people around me. Friends and family are not to be taken for granted. Whenever I need it, I seem to get a text or call from my best friends. Whenever I go home to see my family, we chat all night, we eat and watch Grand Designs. My work also helps me greatly. It’s a job I love and getting to work with and support other young people to help their communities and themselves gives me endless pleasure.

  • Can you describe what it feels like to have your mental illness?

It feels like a prison of thoughts. Every single interaction I have, whether professional or social is an absolute ball ache. I go through all the possible scenarios that could possibly come out of this interaction. What if I say something that offends them? What if I say something embarrassing? It’s exhausting. It’s a constant feeling of ineptitude and inability to function normally. It’s comparing myself to everyone else in society and to societal norms and trying to fit those molds. It’s like an elephant standing on my chest and daggers poking my brain. It’s more often than not a complete numbness to everything in the world. Pleasure is an uncommon thing and it’s very rare that I feel truly happy to be alive but I want to get back to being happy again.

  • What is a common misconception about your mental illness?

That it’s as easy as flipping a switch to turn it off. The number of times that I’ve been told to just get over it and stop being so miserable is impossible to count. It’s also the least helpful thing in the world. If I could do that I would do that in an instant. I don’t believe there’s anyone in the world who would want to suffer with depression and anxiety. I know so many people who I’ve worked with, volunteered with, spoken to online who are fighting the same fight as me and it’s probably the most common thing that is said to us. 13245324_1854977518062911_6991456438909472387_n.png

  • What do you find the most difficult to deal with?

The guilt. It’s unfounded, unfortunate and irrational. I would never feel guilty for breaking my leg and not being able to do something yet for some reason, not being able to bring myself to go out and see people because of my mental illnesses fills me with so much guilt. I feel guilty that I miss birthdays, gatherings, parties, dinners. I struggle to do any of that stuff unless I’m in control and I’ve planned every detail and know exactly who is and isn’t going to be there. I feel so guilty for letting people down and disappointing people but if it was the other way round, I wouldn’t ever feel like they were letting me down. They’re just looking after themselves.

  • Do you have anything else you’d like to say?

First, thanks for reading this far! It’s always a struggle to talk about these things so openly but it’s important that I do. I would love for more people to do the same so that I can make sure that we’re not going to be stuck feeling bad about our illnesses. As always, just make sure that you ask your friends how they are. Offer to support each other, look after each other, be kind to one another and make sure that there’s always love and compassion at the forefront of your mind.

Also, just generally don’t be a dick.

As this is mental illness tag, I’m tagging everyone who’s reading this. Drop it in the comments below if you’re comfortable doing it or write a blog post of your own. Otherwise, please feel free to like, comment and follow me for more mental health posts. 🙂

A

Diversity City

Posted on by under Chinese, Family, Friends, General Ranting, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, Race, Social, Stigma, Stories

I’m very fortunate to live in London (well, the London Borough of Croydon) and I’m so glad that I can look to any corner of my city and see diversity. I don’t just mean race. I mean religion, political views, ethics, gender, sexual orientation. The lot. Being involved in the work that I do is a real insight into how this part of town is run. So many people I know are activists, campaigners, socially and politically aware and active.

It’s great and there’s no doubt about it.

One thing I have noticed though, which upsets me sometimes is that even though our city is so diverse, there’s one group that doesn’t seem to mobilise as much as others. We have a huge feminist movement. A huge LGBTQI movement. A huge black rights movement. A huge immigration movement. But my community, the one I grew up in is no where to be seen and if it can be seen, it’s not been seen by me. Even tonight at the Border Talk event in Vauxhall, I’m pretty sure I was the only Chinese person  here.

I’m Chinese by blood and proud of it. Only in the last few years have I really started to talk about being Chinese and talk about being Chinese. In that time I’ve been so proud. I see the Chinese community taking care of each other like we’re all family. People I don’t even know will support us when/if we ever need it. But we’re not, I don’t feel, fully integrated.


Who’s fault is this? No one’s in particular. We’re partly to blame, of course, but so is society. I’m not saying we have it hard as a people but we’re still subjected to stereotypes and unintentional racism. I can’t count how many times I’ve been asked “do you live above a takeaway?”, “do you know martial arts?”, “so, who would win in a fight between Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee?”. People actively avoid saying the “N” word but the words “chink” and “yellow” are still banded around like nothing.

We’re often stereotyped as the people that work in takeaways. The people that sell pirate DVDs. The people that speak with that hilarious accent. We’re good at maths and all play the violin and piano. Well, no, for a start. But I get it. A lot of Chinese people do work in takeaways. But why is that?

You tell a child enough times as a society that they’re the spawn of Satan and they’ll believe it. You tell the Chinese community, directly or indirectly that they’re best placed working in a takeaway, where do you think they’re going to end up?

We’re often seen as the meek, mild people who are happy to get on with our work in the classroom quietly but that’s not all we are. We’re proud people who value community and we are so much more than our race. We are youth workers, graphic designers, carers, creators, writers, philosophers, artists, rappers, actors,  and China also happens to be one of the fastest developing economies in the world.

So my message is twofold here.

1. Society needs to acknowledge the Chinese community as more than the people on the other side of the counter when they order their egg fried rice and spring rolls. We are people with stories.

2. As Chinese people, we need to stop letting ourselves be ignored. We need to speak up on the issues that matter to us as British Chinese people and we need to show solidarity with our brothers and sisters here in the UK. This is our home now too, lets look after it.

Yeah, Chinese, and what?

Introducing: What’s On Your Mind?

Posted on by under #OnYourMind, Anxiety, Appreciation, Campaign, Change, Happiness, Health, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, Mental Health, Stigma, Stories, Taboo, What's On Your Mind?

Those of you that know me will know that I’ve been racking my brains for a while now for a project that I could run with little resource on mental health. I myself suffer from depression and anxiety and know a lot of people with the same and other mental health problems.

Much of society doesn’t understand the concept of mental health and the stigmas surrounding it are unjustified, untrue and occasionally downright unpleasant. How can I as an individual try to tackle this issue? Well I’ve always encouraged people to talk about mental health. I did that first by opening up about my own mental ill-health. Slowly people began to talk to me and share their own experiences of mental health whether it was positive or negative. Whether they were going through it at that time or they’d been through it previously.

I’ve spoken to a bunch of people now and so I thought it was time to get their stories out there in a slightly different way. Talking about your entire experience of mental health can be exhausting, uncomfortable and lengthy so I decided to take snapshots of people’s lives.

I’ve asked people to write up their average daily thoughts hour by hour from the moment they wake up to the moment they fall asleep.

I’ve got two aims for this project. The first is to show the general public that mental health affects people on a daily basis, that it’s complex, and that the stereotypes aren’t all they’re meant to be. There’s more to a person than their illnesses!

The second aim is that people who are taking part can see their thoughts written down and they can see all the little positives that they should start appreciating more and the negative things that they can potentially work on.

I’m also hoping that this will generate a bit of discussion and create a bit of a support network for those who have taken part!

If you want to get involved or want to find out more, please feel free to tweet me @albysaurus or email me alexquang1@gmail.com 🙂

Keep an eye out for #OnYourMind on twitter and instagram and stay tuned for our first post soon! 🙂

Shout out to Haaris for coming up with our hashtag!

See you all soon!

Opportunitification – The Mission for Mental Health Awareness

Posted on by under Campaign, Mental Health, Stigma, Stories, Taboo, Volunteering

Every once in a while we get opportunities to do something incredible. Sometimes you don’t realise just how incredible the opportunity is until you’re right in the middle of it or sometimes until after it’s gone.

This weekend just gone I got to go to a residential with Team v to help mentor for their new campaign. Our leaders this year are going to be working to tackle the issue of food poverty in the UK and it’s a fantastic campaign. Keep an eye out up and down the country for some great, creative campaigning! If you want to check out what the guys are doing, please feel free to have a look see here.

Fantastic though it is, I’m not writing this post to talk about the campaign. The leaders will be more than happy to fill you in on that. I’m here to talk about opportunities.

There are so many opportunities in my life and I try my very hardest to be a Yes Man. I took the opportunity to go to the residential this weekend just gone and it was a fantastic decision. Despite me being exhausted today and arriving completely exhausted, I had an incredible time. Sure, it was just good fun to be around so many new faces with such similar values to my own, but what I really enjoyed were the conversations I had with a few people.

There were two people I spoke to about mental health in its various forms and it really did blow my mind how strong these people are. Despite all that’s happened in their lives, they focus on making things easier for others so that they can better cope with life’s toughest challenges. I took the opportunity to talk to them about potentially starting to work together, to plan a few different ways in which we can work to “get crackin on challenging the mental health stigma”.

I’m currently brainstorming an idea to blog with one of the two people. My idea is to collect non-anonymous stories of people who have been affected by mental health issues. I want people to tell their stories and put their names to them. Mental health issues aren’t something to be embarrassed about. Once I started being open about my mental health, it lost a lot of its power. It’s always going to be a part of me and I want people to know that I’m not ashamed. Depression is part of what made me who I am today and I like to think that I’m a good person. Hopefully once people feel comfortable enough to share, others will too and hopefully we can cause a chain reaction of openness. This in turn would hopefully make mental health a topic which is easy to talk about. Why should something so common be a taboo subject?

The second person that I was talking to at the residential is a keen volunteer for a mental health charity and we’re currently trying to plan a campaign of our own to do something to once again, tackle the stigmas surrounding mental health. Our plan is non-existent at the moment so I’m open to any ideas on how we can do it. Too many people I care about have troubles with mental health but feel ashamed of it. I don’t want the people I love to have to feel ashamed and embarrassed to be themselves. They’re ace.

If you’re interested in helping out or getting involved, DM me on twitter – @albysaurus

I’ve been trying to make the most of opportunities for a long time now. This opportunity to share ideas and stories with two great people was fantastic. It’s allowed me to unify with people who care passionately about an extremely important topic (hence – opportunification). I hope you take the opportunity to help us make our mission for mental health awareness a success.

A

Early Morning Weekend Working

Posted on by under Fun, General Ranting, Grateful, Positivity, Stories, Work
Every time I hear that I need to work a Saturday the same thought goes through my head. “Ugh working on a Saturday, I just want to sleep”. What I seem to forget every time though, is that the weekends I work are usually the most fun. They’re usually the days where I get to do the people facing stuff, where I get to talk to people and support them with their projects.
Not everyone is in the same job as me, but I can guarantee that everyone has the early morning weekend work feeling every once in a while. Let’s have a little look at the symptoms of EMWWF.
1. The uncontrollable urge to snooze your alarm at least 17 times.
Don’t lie, we’ve all done it. I do it every time I have to work a Saturday. I think to myself “Alex, people are counting on the fact that you’re going to get out of bed today”. My logical, organisational and work brain is very easily over powered by my “shut up its Saturday morning” brain. If you’ve done this too, you may well have EMWWF.
2. Refusing to get out of bed before your alarm goes off (for the 18th time) even if you’re already awake.
Let’s face it, those extra two minutes and sixteen seconds of not-quite-sleep are going to be absolutely essential to your functioning for the rest of the day. I hear legends and myths that there once was a man who got up before his alarm. Perhaps it was once true, perhaps not, we’ll never know.
3. You will put your clothes on back to front, inside out and maybe even upside down three times before realising you had it right the first time.
“I don’t remember my jeans being this cotton-y. Oh right, that’s a t-shirt”.  To be fair, this is a daily struggle for me but it’s frequency and intensity are much worse at weekends…
4. You will be super grumpy leaving your house, on the train and walking to work.
Headphones in, music loud enough so that you don’t need to hear anything, head down and elbows out in the tube so that people know that’s your space. Anyone that speaks to you, smiles at you or acknowledges your existence will get nought but a grunt and a nod. Clearly a case of the EMWWF if ever I saw one.
These are some of the symptoms, but what about the cures? Remember, there’s something good that happens every day. For me I love the Saturday work days when I get there. For others an extra day of work might just be a chore, but think about the pay or the TOIL you’ll incur! Expect for something excellent to happen and it almost always will. Positivity attracts more Positivity. Look out for the cool person who’s super polite and appreciative of what you do. Check out that girl or guy you’ve totally got a crush on. Sing yourself a song or even start a dance party!
At the very least just think about the fact that you’re seriously earning that beer/meal out/take away/chocolate bar/entire tub of ice cream. But do yourself a favour, try to have a good day. If you’re lucky, you might even end up enjoying yourself! 🙂
A