Category Archives: Respect

Mental Health Awareness Week: Tag

Posted on by under #cheerupchallenge, Anti-depressants, Anxiety, Depression, Family, Friends, Health, Mental Health, Mental Health Awareness Week, Reflection, Respect, Social, Stigma, Stories, Taboo, Uncategorized, What's On Your Mind?

So it’s come round again pretty swiftly but we’re slap bang in the middle of MHAW.

The delightful Becca has tagged me to talk about my mental health. You should go check out her post here. First things first, thank you to Becca for sharing her story, answering these questions and helping to make talking about your mental health normal. Now, I’m sure regular readers will know a fair bit about my journey but here goes! (Warning, this is going to be a long one.)

  • What mental illness do you have?

I have depression and anxiety.

  • When were you diagnosed?

I was diagnosed with depression when I was 18 and still in college. The anxiety was when I was around 22.

  • Who knows about it?

Almost everyone I know. I try to be as open and honest about it as possible though that doesn’t always happen! The first person who knew was my ex who to this day I’m grateful to for supporting me and getting me the help I needed. We don’t speak anymore but I’ll always be thankful for helping me to get better! The first friend who I told about it was one of my closest friends and my sister from another mister. That was the hardest thing for me, just coming to terms with it all. I was so scared that it would alienate me from other people because I wasn’t normal.

  • Do you receive treatment for it?

I’m currently on a pretty decent dosage of Fluoxetine (I think it’s called Prozac in the states). I’ve been on more different tablets than I can count and have gone to counselling multiple times but believe it or not, the idea of talking about it to help me recover is still quite scary.

  • Has your mental illness stopped you from doing anything?

My anxiety and depression stop me from doing a lot of different things. Though I’m outwardly a very chatty person, I despise meeting new people fearing that they may hate me. It regularly stops me from going out and socialising with friends. So often, I decide to stay at home rather than see people I really want to as I’m so scared of talking to people that I don’t know. My mental illnesses also stop me from doing some really basic things too. It often leaves my body completely exhausted and I sometimes struggle to get out of bed, speak, eat, drink or even breathe sometimes. I’ve also (not for a while, thankfully) once left a restaurant because I couldn’t decide what to eat.

  • Is there anything in particular that has helped you?

Music, art, comic books, videogames and volunteering. Oh and food. I love food. Music is my favourite way to unwind and calm myself down. I love to sing and play. There’s something very therapeutic about creating something. Whether it’s a piece of music, a piece of art, a delicious dish. Or just saving the universe from monsters and aliens. Of course the other huge thing that helps me is having good people around me. Friends and family are not to be taken for granted. Whenever I need it, I seem to get a text or call from my best friends. Whenever I go home to see my family, we chat all night, we eat and watch Grand Designs. My work also helps me greatly. It’s a job I love and getting to work with and support other young people to help their communities and themselves gives me endless pleasure.

  • Can you describe what it feels like to have your mental illness?

It feels like a prison of thoughts. Every single interaction I have, whether professional or social is an absolute ball ache. I go through all the possible scenarios that could possibly come out of this interaction. What if I say something that offends them? What if I say something embarrassing? It’s exhausting. It’s a constant feeling of ineptitude and inability to function normally. It’s comparing myself to everyone else in society and to societal norms and trying to fit those molds. It’s like an elephant standing on my chest and daggers poking my brain. It’s more often than not a complete numbness to everything in the world. Pleasure is an uncommon thing and it’s very rare that I feel truly happy to be alive but I want to get back to being happy again.

  • What is a common misconception about your mental illness?

That it’s as easy as flipping a switch to turn it off. The number of times that I’ve been told to just get over it and stop being so miserable is impossible to count. It’s also the least helpful thing in the world. If I could do that I would do that in an instant. I don’t believe there’s anyone in the world who would want to suffer with depression and anxiety. I know so many people who I’ve worked with, volunteered with, spoken to online who are fighting the same fight as me and it’s probably the most common thing that is said to us. 13245324_1854977518062911_6991456438909472387_n.png

  • What do you find the most difficult to deal with?

The guilt. It’s unfounded, unfortunate and irrational. I would never feel guilty for breaking my leg and not being able to do something yet for some reason, not being able to bring myself to go out and see people because of my mental illnesses fills me with so much guilt. I feel guilty that I miss birthdays, gatherings, parties, dinners. I struggle to do any of that stuff unless I’m in control and I’ve planned every detail and know exactly who is and isn’t going to be there. I feel so guilty for letting people down and disappointing people but if it was the other way round, I wouldn’t ever feel like they were letting me down. They’re just looking after themselves.

  • Do you have anything else you’d like to say?

First, thanks for reading this far! It’s always a struggle to talk about these things so openly but it’s important that I do. I would love for more people to do the same so that I can make sure that we’re not going to be stuck feeling bad about our illnesses. As always, just make sure that you ask your friends how they are. Offer to support each other, look after each other, be kind to one another and make sure that there’s always love and compassion at the forefront of your mind.

Also, just generally don’t be a dick.

As this is mental illness tag, I’m tagging everyone who’s reading this. Drop it in the comments below if you’re comfortable doing it or write a blog post of your own. Otherwise, please feel free to like, comment and follow me for more mental health posts. 🙂

A

#FastForAFriend

Posted on by under #fastforafriend, Change, Eid, General Ranting, Iftar, Islam. Ramadan, Open, People, Religion, Respect, Selflessness

A couple days ago I was talking to a good friend of mine, Uzma, and we were talking about how her Ramadan was going. At the end of our conversation, she challenged me to fast for a day. Today was that day! Last night, I posted a simple Facebook status and a single tweet. The reaction that I got on social media was massive. Tweets of good luck, thanks, prayer and tips on how to get through your first day of fasting. The messages were from strangers, friends of friends and long time friends. I even got a tweet from SuperSaf (one of my favourite YouTube tech reviewers) which was amazing! I had complete strangers tweet me and message me on what Ramadan means to them. The sense of community that I felt from these people has been incredible.

The absolute sheer good, the positivity and the kindness that exudes from the Muslim community is immeasurable. All the time, it’s incredible. Not just during Ramadan. I’ve been invited to iftars by complete strangers on Twitter and Facebook. In Manchester, they’ve been doing huge iftars for the homeless in the centre of town. Selflessness is a huge part of Islam.

I’m not religious and I don’t think I ever will be but I do appreciate the values that Islam and all religions hold and that’s community, peace and justice for all. These last two days I’ve experienced first hand those principles.

The whole point of this exercise was for me to learn more about Ramadan, Islam and the community and hopefully share it with the internet world to disprove all the utter nonsense in the media. The “Muslims” you see terrorising people on TV are absolutely not Muslims. If you really think that those of ISIS represent the majority then please, fast, talk to Muslims in your area, open your mind to what the religion really represents.

I’m going to end it here. I can’t articulate exactly  I’m sleepy, hungry and Uzma has just sent me this:

I’m going to break fast now a little bit early as my food is going cold.

Thank you to the entire Muslim community locally and online for welcoming me into the family. I hope you have an amazing Ramadan and I’ll hopefully be around to celebrate Eid with you all too! 🙂

EDIT: I also want to make sure I send a huge thank you to Zahrah. She looked after me during the day and did a live stream interview with me about Islam and Ramadan.

Kindness Is Key

Posted on by under Change, General Ranting, Happiness, Kindness, Respect, Selfless, Selflessness, Social

As I sit here at work with virtually nothing to do while I’m covering this event, I got to thinking. I’ve reached the ripe old age of 23 and it feels like throughout my very short life, things have gone downhill constantly. Not me. The world. Every day there are more and more conflicts over more and more ridiculous things. Sexism, racism, ageism and all the other “isms” are coming to light and are causing more and more tension between groups.

The issues are becoming common knowledge and the people are becoming more and more angry about it. Some people react to it admirably and try to solve the many problems through peaceful, sensible and responsible means. Others however are getting angry and are generating more and more hate. So what do I think is the key to solving the world’s problems? Simple. It’s a combination of things.

Empathy is essential and knowledge is power. Many people in the UK are getting angry at those bloody immigrants stealing our jobs and our benefits. Working all the jobs whilst also not working at all. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but how much is your opinion really worth if you don’t do any research and refuse to learn, forever remaining ignorant? If you’re pissed off about immigrants, talk to them, calmly. Listen to stories of why they’re here. Learn the difference between asylum seekers and refugees. I’ve used immigration as an example, but the same rules should apply to all other kinds of things (racism, feminism, sexism etc.). Understand other people and be open to listen. Do not pity, just try to understand. Put yourself in their shoes before you make a judgement.

The most important thing in my opinion though, is kindness. Kindness is key!

We’re a species designed to live in groups. We don’t leave our offspring to fend for themselves once they’re born. We also don’t call them our offspring. We congregate in social groups whether in person or online. We’re constantly finding ways to make being a part of a group easier. However, if you’re in a group, you tend only to stick around people who show kindness and those who are unkind to members of the group are shunned and exiled. Why should this be different on a larger scale? If you show kindness on a larger scale, to everyone you meet, bonds form and they form strongly. It creates a chain reaction of kindness and it makes people act differently towards one another.

https://youtube.googleapis.com/v/rr6lsTgZKAQ&source=uds

“But Alex, nice guys finish last! What’s the point?”. Welllllllll not quite. Being kind puts people in your corner and people will look out for you. In fact, the guys at ASAP Science have made a video about how nice guys actually finish first! Check it out. Society thrives on kindness. There just simply isn’t enough of it around at the moment. We’re fueled by hate and anger because it sells papers and gets people watching the news. We’re in a virtually endless cycle of anger but it is possible to break out of it. Just be kind and watch how things change for the better!

A

The Holiday Spirit

Posted on by under General Ranting, Happiness, Kindness, Life, Little Things, Reflection, Respect, Success, Volunteering

The holidays are coming! The Coca-Cola advert has been on the TV, John Lewis with their annual dose of heart warming, Sainsbury’s with their historical Christmas advert. It’s all kicking off.

Even in the office, we’ve been singing Christmas songs. Tinsel now adorns much of our furniture (much to my dismay). Christmas cheer has spread throughout the office. Madness!

We are, however, coming off the back of Black Friday and Cyber Monday which are two HUGE shopping days in the states which is a sort of unofficial kick off for the Christmas shopping season. Lots of people rush to the shops to take advantage of the slashed prices and even in the UK, Black Friday took over. People fought, rioted, stores were flooded with customers. Police were even called and shops were closed down.

There are a few views on this phenomenon from our cousins across the pond. Some think it’s a great thing that we can get so many deals so cheap. It’s crazy that these people can sell these amazing items so cheap right? Admittedly, yeah we all love a bargain but is causing riots in stores worth it?

Others see Black Friday as a day of selfish capitalism, furthering the power of the corporations where we’re told that to be happy we need these items and these corporations are “helping” us out by slashing prices for us! Again, I can see that too.

Another point of view is that people who look down upon those who went to shop and fight for goods for their homes are filthy peasants who behave like animals for luxury items. What about those who wouldn’t be able to afford it without the sale? Who knows?

I took advantage of a few little deals on Black Friday. Things I’d like to use to spread a little happiness. Admittedly I didn’t do the trip into the shops, I purchased online with a purpose. I want to focus on the positives though. Post-Cyber Monday, there was Giving Tuesday. A day all about giving back to those around you, your family, friends, community. This is a movement which is significantly smaller than Black Friday, and even it’s little brother Cyber Monday but gaining momentum. I don’t know if it’s because I’m in a giving sector, but it’s growing.

I’d highly encourage you to take part in the Acts of Kindness Advent Calendar. It’s exactly what it says on the tin. 25 acts of kindness in the lead up to Christmas day.

Also, recently I was featured in a video for vInspired, a charity that set me on a path of kindness and social action. We’re signing people up for the Thunderclap for tomorrow, so get stuck in and get involved if you can! Share with everyone and donate anything you can afford to. 🙂

These are just some of the little things that you can do to help others. Feel free to get in touch if you want more opportunities to help. I’m sure I can help you find a bunch of different opportunities!

The Power of Positive People

Posted on by under Grateful, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, Mental Health, Positive, Positivity, Praise, Radiator, Respect, Selfless

I’m currently still buzzing from going to see Paolo Nutini in Newcastle last night with two extremely inspirational women and felt the urge to write a blog post. Obviously I’ve mentioned multiple times about the love that I have for music and gigs etc. so I’m not going to write too much about that again. Instead I want to have a little natter about people.

One of the greatest gifts I ever received from volunteering was the people that I met along the way. Some of them have become colleagues, some have become my closest friends and others have unfortunately disappeared from my life, but everyone has taught me something about myself and about the work that we do and why it’s so important. Besides the learning that I get from my peers, friends, family and colleagues, the main thing that I’ve gained from a lot of them has been health.

People often underestimate the power of positivity and how important it is to surround yourself with people who can help keep you positive. Some of the people I used to acquaint myself with felt a constant sense of entitlement, a belief that they were destined for great things, but another belief that they shouldn’t have to work for it. All that they thought about was what they didn’t have and trying to understand why they didn’t have it.

The people who I’m closest to now couldn’t be more different. I’ve cut negativity out of my life as much as possible and it’s brought me along so much. The people I know now are people that I admire greatly for so many reasons. For one, they’re people that just care so much about making the lives of people around them better. They work tirelessly to make sure the people they love are as happy as humanly possible. I’ve spent a couple of days with a family who inspire me constantly with their unity, strength and drive to make the most of their lives and the cards that they’ve been dealt.

Another reason I am constantly in awe of most of the people I know now is that they’re grateful for every little thing in their lives and it really is the little things that make a huge difference. A nice cup of tea, a bit of time with family and friends, a nice walk along the river. They’re appreciative of having a roof over their heads and having food on the table. They take nothing for granted.

The third thing that I’m so happy about is that the people I know, know that praise is an incredible tool to lift someone out of a slump. Praise is something that is earned and shouldn’t be doled out any old time. However, when it has been earned and when it is deserved, it shouldn’t be awkward to dish it out. This blog post is praise to all the people I know, respect and love and hopefully you should know if this applies to you.

Respect – another thing that must be earned. It’s hard to earn but so so easy to lose. However, I treat everyone I meet with respect even if I don’t respect them. Everyone should be given a chance to earn respect. People make mistakes, it’s human nature, it’s how you learn from your mistakes and how you deal with them that earns respect. No one is perfect, not even the people I respect the most, but they can acknowledge that in themselves and others and that’s so important. If I struggle to respect someone I struggle to talk to them and I struggle massively to keep in touch with them.

The thing I love most about the people I’ve surrounded myself with is all of these things and more. Their resilience, passion, hard work and general being good fun, fill me with positivity every time I see them, makes me a better person and keeps my mood up which believe me can be tough. All I have to do now is try to pass on the positivity to others.

To close, I’d encourage everyone to consider this little quote.

“Don’t be a drain, be a radiator”

If this baffles you a little bit I’ll leave these here too.
Radiators – People who give out warmth, kindness, love, honesty, positivity, energy, enthusiasm and all the good things which people need and respond to.
Drains – People who are negative, downbeat, suck the energy out of others and don’t like themselves.

A