Category Archives: Health

The Recovery: Panic Attacks and Breakdowns

Posted on by under Anxiety, Health, Mental Health, Recovery, Uncategorized

So first thing to address, I’m getting rid of the numbers. By the time I get better completely, we’ll be at a silly number. So from now on this little series of blogs will be just known as “The Recovery”.

Now, onto the juicy bit. Panic attacks. They take on many different forms and can be caused by loads of different things. Some of the more serious causes of panic attacks and breakdowns can include (but are not limited to):

  • Severe stress
  • Loss of a loved one
  • Relationship breakdown
  • Problems at work
  • Exhaustion

Sometimes, though, the causes of panic attacks and breakdowns can be the most ridiculous things. The last two days have been like that for me. I’m feeling somewhat better at the moment but have had some rather silly breakdowns over the last couple days.

I’m writing this particular piece to hopefully give you all a bit of a chuckle and also hopefully show you all that anything at any time can cause a panic attack or breakdown and that’s okay. It’s not your fault. It’s  normal. It’ll pass. I promise. I’ve had 2 breakdowns and about 5 panic attacks.

Here are some of the things that have caused me some distress the last two days.

  • Not having the right berries in my local Tesco
  • Running out of Bonjela
  • Getting below 60 frames per second on a game
  • Dying in a game
  • Not being able to decide how I wanted to build my house on the Sims
  • The thought of seeing people in a social setting despite them being friends
  • Sleeping too late
  • Not sleeping enough

All of these things gave me reactions of varying severity. All of these things may seem like minor things to people. And even to me, on a good day, these things are pretty minor. But in the moment, at that exact time, it’s a huge problem and causes me to not function properly.

One thing that’s hard to do though, is remember that it’s not your fault. I constantly question whether or not I’m being pathetic. I regularly think that it’s my own fault and that I deserve to not find the right berries or to have an ulcer or to die in a game or anything more serious.

I have to tell myself over and over, “it’s not my fault” just as I want you to say it’s not yours. Panic attacks and breakdowns are unpredictable, horrible and so tough to prevent. I’m not going to tell anyone how to prevent panic attacks in this post but I will tell you how I prevent my own panic attacks eventually. I just wanted to remind everyone that if you have a panic attack, it’s okay.

A

Mental Health Awareness Week: Tag

Posted on by under #cheerupchallenge, Anti-depressants, Anxiety, Depression, Family, Friends, Health, Mental Health, Mental Health Awareness Week, Reflection, Respect, Social, Stigma, Stories, Taboo, Uncategorized, What's On Your Mind?

So it’s come round again pretty swiftly but we’re slap bang in the middle of MHAW.

The delightful Becca has tagged me to talk about my mental health. You should go check out her post here. First things first, thank you to Becca for sharing her story, answering these questions and helping to make talking about your mental health normal. Now, I’m sure regular readers will know a fair bit about my journey but here goes! (Warning, this is going to be a long one.)

  • What mental illness do you have?

I have depression and anxiety.

  • When were you diagnosed?

I was diagnosed with depression when I was 18 and still in college. The anxiety was when I was around 22.

  • Who knows about it?

Almost everyone I know. I try to be as open and honest about it as possible though that doesn’t always happen! The first person who knew was my ex who to this day I’m grateful to for supporting me and getting me the help I needed. We don’t speak anymore but I’ll always be thankful for helping me to get better! The first friend who I told about it was one of my closest friends and my sister from another mister. That was the hardest thing for me, just coming to terms with it all. I was so scared that it would alienate me from other people because I wasn’t normal.

  • Do you receive treatment for it?

I’m currently on a pretty decent dosage of Fluoxetine (I think it’s called Prozac in the states). I’ve been on more different tablets than I can count and have gone to counselling multiple times but believe it or not, the idea of talking about it to help me recover is still quite scary.

  • Has your mental illness stopped you from doing anything?

My anxiety and depression stop me from doing a lot of different things. Though I’m outwardly a very chatty person, I despise meeting new people fearing that they may hate me. It regularly stops me from going out and socialising with friends. So often, I decide to stay at home rather than see people I really want to as I’m so scared of talking to people that I don’t know. My mental illnesses also stop me from doing some really basic things too. It often leaves my body completely exhausted and I sometimes struggle to get out of bed, speak, eat, drink or even breathe sometimes. I’ve also (not for a while, thankfully) once left a restaurant because I couldn’t decide what to eat.

  • Is there anything in particular that has helped you?

Music, art, comic books, videogames and volunteering. Oh and food. I love food. Music is my favourite way to unwind and calm myself down. I love to sing and play. There’s something very therapeutic about creating something. Whether it’s a piece of music, a piece of art, a delicious dish. Or just saving the universe from monsters and aliens. Of course the other huge thing that helps me is having good people around me. Friends and family are not to be taken for granted. Whenever I need it, I seem to get a text or call from my best friends. Whenever I go home to see my family, we chat all night, we eat and watch Grand Designs. My work also helps me greatly. It’s a job I love and getting to work with and support other young people to help their communities and themselves gives me endless pleasure.

  • Can you describe what it feels like to have your mental illness?

It feels like a prison of thoughts. Every single interaction I have, whether professional or social is an absolute ball ache. I go through all the possible scenarios that could possibly come out of this interaction. What if I say something that offends them? What if I say something embarrassing? It’s exhausting. It’s a constant feeling of ineptitude and inability to function normally. It’s comparing myself to everyone else in society and to societal norms and trying to fit those molds. It’s like an elephant standing on my chest and daggers poking my brain. It’s more often than not a complete numbness to everything in the world. Pleasure is an uncommon thing and it’s very rare that I feel truly happy to be alive but I want to get back to being happy again.

  • What is a common misconception about your mental illness?

That it’s as easy as flipping a switch to turn it off. The number of times that I’ve been told to just get over it and stop being so miserable is impossible to count. It’s also the least helpful thing in the world. If I could do that I would do that in an instant. I don’t believe there’s anyone in the world who would want to suffer with depression and anxiety. I know so many people who I’ve worked with, volunteered with, spoken to online who are fighting the same fight as me and it’s probably the most common thing that is said to us. 13245324_1854977518062911_6991456438909472387_n.png

  • What do you find the most difficult to deal with?

The guilt. It’s unfounded, unfortunate and irrational. I would never feel guilty for breaking my leg and not being able to do something yet for some reason, not being able to bring myself to go out and see people because of my mental illnesses fills me with so much guilt. I feel guilty that I miss birthdays, gatherings, parties, dinners. I struggle to do any of that stuff unless I’m in control and I’ve planned every detail and know exactly who is and isn’t going to be there. I feel so guilty for letting people down and disappointing people but if it was the other way round, I wouldn’t ever feel like they were letting me down. They’re just looking after themselves.

  • Do you have anything else you’d like to say?

First, thanks for reading this far! It’s always a struggle to talk about these things so openly but it’s important that I do. I would love for more people to do the same so that I can make sure that we’re not going to be stuck feeling bad about our illnesses. As always, just make sure that you ask your friends how they are. Offer to support each other, look after each other, be kind to one another and make sure that there’s always love and compassion at the forefront of your mind.

Also, just generally don’t be a dick.

As this is mental illness tag, I’m tagging everyone who’s reading this. Drop it in the comments below if you’re comfortable doing it or write a blog post of your own. Otherwise, please feel free to like, comment and follow me for more mental health posts. 🙂

A

The Recovery Part 6: Celebrating Serotonin

Posted on by under #cheerupchallenge, Anti-depressants, Anxiety, Change, Depression, Happiness, Health, Little Things, Mental Health, Recovery, Taboo, Tattoo

Today was a good day for me. I did something which I’ve been wanting to do for years. I got a tattoo. I spent months trying to figure out a tattoo that I could get which I would love on my body for the rest of my life and would mean something to me and hopefully mean something to other people.

The tattoo I chose was this: 20160502_190830.jpg

This is serotonin. It’s one of the “happy hormones” and it’s something that my body and brain sorely lacks. It’s one of the causes of my long term depression and so it’s something that I’ve always tried my best to understand. Needless to say, I’m super happy with this.

“I know some people aren’t a fan of tattoos and they may think that this is a pretty extreme way of getting to talk about mental health and you may well be right but sometimes you need to do something a little bit strange to get people talking.”

Obviously this is primarily something for me. If I don’t have enough of this stuff in my body, I’ll get it tattooed on me in the hopes that it brings me a smile when I see it. I will never be without again. In fact this was the first time I’ve been genuinely excited about anything that I’m doing for a long time. Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do but this was for me and it’s one of the rare times I do things just for me.

However, there is another reason for this particular kind of tattoo. It’s not something people see very often and so people will hopefully ask about it. When they do, it gives me the chance to talk about mental health, my experiences and the experiences of countless other people who have mental illnesses. It will help to open up the discussions that are so often taboo.

“It gives me the chance to talk about mental health, my experiences and the experiences of countless other people who have mental illnesses. It will help to open up the discussions that are so often taboo.”

I know some people aren’t a fan of tattoos and they may think that this is a pretty extreme way of getting to talk about mental health and you may well be right but sometimes you need to do something a little bit strange to get people talking. This to me, isn’t just a tattoo. It’s a message. It’s a statement. If I can get even one person who looks at my tattoo to think a little bit differently about their mental health and the health of those around them then it will be worth it.

Let the conversations begin.

A

The Recovery Part 5: This is what my depression looks like.

Posted on by under #cheerupchallenge, #OnYourMind, Anti-depressants, Anxiety, Depression, Friends, Health, Mental Health, Positivity, Recovery, Social, Stigma, Taboo

What my depression looks like changes on a daily basis. Some days I’m a happy go lucky, music man with a spring in his step and a joke to tell. Some days I’m the calm, quiet, doodler. Some days I’m a tech mad, comic book nerd with his face deep in some sort of gadget.

Some days I’m a happy go lucky, music man with a spring in his step and a joke to tell. Some days I’m the calm, quiet, doodler. Some days I’m a tech mad, comic book nerd with his face deep in some sort of gadget. 

However, some days it’s also a raging beast of emotion which pours out of my eyes and my mouth as tears and words I’ll later regret. Other days it’s a complete numbness where I feel no emotion at all, no happiness or sadness. Some days I’m incapable of movement, speech or thought. Sometimes I break down over the most ridiculous things that most people would either be completely unphased by, or at most, are mildly irritated by (an example, today I had a breakdown after I realised I forgot to order my usual mushroom rice with my curry and I accidentally ordered a sweet sultana naan bread).  Often, I’m a combination of two or more of these and that’s pretty scary.

20160427_204912.jpg

Sometimes I break down over the most ridiculous things that most people would either be completely unphased by, or at most, aremildly irritated by.

For the people who don’t know me very well, they may well only see the happy-go-lucky guy. Or the doodler. Or the super nerd. And that’s the aim. Even me, who’s quite open about my mental health, find it hard to behave as I want to for fear of upsetting others. I don’t get to be emotional at work. I don’t allow myself to become overwhelmed and break down in front of other people. Often my mood swings on a normal day every hour or so. Some parts of the day you’ll get a genuine happy, super fun time Alex and other parts of the day you’ll get the fraud. Some parts of the day I’ll retreat away from other people by going for a walk or sitting in a meeting room so that I can stop the act for just a few minutes.

Every social interaction I have with other humans is a tiring and complicated experience inside my brain. Every single word I speak, my body language, whether or not I hug or shake hands or have any physical contact at all is thought over hundreds of times before every action. I go through every possible scenario that I can think of and plan for the best and worst possible outcomes. (Example: I accidentally added someone on Facebook recently and felt so bad and went through so many scenarios that I apologised to that person when I saw them before realising that I was probably going to end up adding them anyway at some point. The person did not care in the slightest that I added them on Facebook.)

Every single word I speak, my body language, whether or not I hug or shake hands or have any physical contact at all is thought over hundreds of times before every action.

Even if I feel well that day, my brain still thinks about these interactions constantly and if things go right, I feel pretty decent. If they don’t go as I’d hoped it could be the one thing that breaks my resolve and causes a dramatic mood swing. Days like today, where my mind and body are exhausted the thought of speaking to other people seems like the worst possible scenario. This is what my depression looks like summarised in it’s most simple possible form though there is a huge amount that I’m unable to verbalise or get down on to virtual paper.

If you’re comfortable sharing how your depression looks, please feel free to do so in the comments or get in touch with me privately via Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or email if you would like to talk. I may not post often but I’m still keen to help to facilitate people to discuss their own personal black clouds.

One thing it’s not is “just a fancy word for feeling bummed out”. Don’t be like Dwight.

A

P.S. Thank you to all of my friends, family and colleagues for understanding that when I ignore your calls, don’t turn up to things, take forever to reply to messages or lock myself away, that it’s not personal. You guys are my rocks.

The Recovery Part 2: On the Mend

Posted on by under #cheerupchallenge, Anti-depressants, Anxiety, Appreciation, Depression, Happiness, Health, Little Things, Mental Health, Recovery, Taboo, Uncategorized

So it’s been a few weeks now since I’ve started on my tablets again and put a lot of plans in place to make myself better. Some of my key goals have been small easy wins and some are slightly longer term and a little more difficult to achieve.

The small easy wins that I’ve managed recently are:

  1. Read! I’ve recently bought a poetry book by Sarah Howe called the Loop of Jade. It’s a great collection and focuses quite a bit on her dual identity being half Chinese and half English. (Similarly, I’m a British-born Chinese person.) I don’t read anywhere near as often as I used to so it’s good to be reading again.
  2. Get out of my room. This one seems silly but it’s so easy for me to lock myself away in my room and play video games all evening and ignore my housemate and the world outside of my bubble. But just trying to sit downstairs more often, staying for a chat for a half hour is a huge deal for me and often leads to me sticking around for much longer and enjoying myself.
  3. Be more creative. I’ve been trying my very hardest to set aside more time in my day for creative practices. Music (as always) is my number one, go-to creative activity. I’m singing more often, louder and with less inhibitions! Living in a house with another singer and musician helps greatly. I’ve also been trying to illustrate more as it’s something I always used to love doing. I try to create things I can give away to people and make them smile.
  4. Get to work. For the first few weeks of the year I couldn’t work. I could barely get out of bed, to be fair. But I found that the extreme anxiety of going back to work after so long was short-lived. The anxiety is still there but as I get used to it all again it’s fading quickly. The first week I was back I came in a little later and left a little earlier. Now I’m back to working full days and am easing myself back into delivering sessions and workshops.

While these are huge steps for me, they’re such simple little things for most people so I’ve added them to my small easy wins. Getting out of bed at all should be on there for sure. Little things add up and make a huge impact. I’m still far from feeling well. I still get bouts of feeling very sick, spikes in my anxiety and still quite often it takes everything in me to not have a panic attack. All of this and trying my very hardest to keep a smile on my face for the sake of my work is extremely tiring. I finish most days exhausted and by the time I get home and have cooked and eaten, that’s it for me and I hit the hay and the struggle to wake up and get out starts all over again.

It’s important for me, and for lots of people recovering from mental illness to find a routine, find small wins, celebrate those wins and slowly build up to bigger things. My mood may dip multiple times a day but I’m confident that with everything that I’ve been putting into place I’m going to get better. I hope you’re all able to find something to get you back on the road to recovery and allow you to take control of your body and mind again.

Please feel free to get in touch with me and let me know if you have any routines and activities that you use to keep your mood up! 🙂

Yours sleepily,

A

Welcome to the recovery.

Posted on by under #cheerupchallenge, Anti-depressants, Anxiety, Change, Depression, Happiness, Health, Mental Health, Stigma, Taboo, Time

So I’ve moved away from the beautiful leafy suburb of Croydon to the beautiful leafy suburb of Finchley. It’s a pretty nice area and it’s a great house. I’m really lucky to be living with someone excellent too. There’s a great looking sushi place I want to try out (it’s all you can eat).

Moving is very tiring though. Especially when you’ve just started back on antidepressants after a particularly crazy few weeks. Sleep is still hard to keep up. I wake up often and the quality of my sleep isn’t great. The tablets are wreaking havoc in my body. My eyes are constantly itching, my appetite comes and goes, my motivation to do anything varies on an hourly basis.

I have to really force myself to do even the tiniest things. Even the most awesome things that happy Alex would normally love to do, unwell Alex struggles with. I’m going back to work in the morning after a long long time and that’s both exciting and terrifying.

Going back to work after a mental health episode is often the hardest day. Anxiety runs high and it’s extra high after a huge change in my life. So for now, work, relationships, everything else, takes a backseat. My focus is going to be my mental health. I may have moved to a new place in a new town but I’m trying my hardest to get back to my old self.

I’m going to be blogging more about my recovery this time round so stay tuned. I want to show that you can get better.

Welcome to the recovery!

Don’t let your mental health silence you.

Posted on by under #cheerupchallenge, Anti-depressants, Anxiety, Depression, Health, Mental Health, Positivity, Uncategorized

I posted very recently about my recent (and current) mental health which has been questionable to say the least and the response that I received from friends and family has been incredible. This is not the first time I’ve fallen back into serious depression and I’m sure it won’t be the last.

The one thing that helps me more than anything is having amazing people around me. The messages of support, the kind words, the positivity keep me going. It’s so so easy for you to think that you’re worthless and that no one cares but that’s absolutely not true. Please see here.

You are not alone. You will get better and you will be stronger than ever. But to do that you can’t let your mental ill health prevent you from having a voice. Whether it’s online via a blog, on YouTube via a vlog, going for a coffee with your best friend and talking about mental health or anything else you can think of. There will always be people saying to you to “just cheer up” or that “other people have it worse” and even assume that you’re just sad but you can explain it to them. Explain that there is a hormone imbalance in your brain. That’s the cause.

Write a poem, write a song, paint a picture or do a dance. However you choose to express your struggles just make sure that you do.

1 in 4 people are affected by mental illness. There is such an amazing community online and beyond who are supportive and passionate about supporting people with mental health issues.

If you need urgent help please go to A&E, book an appointment with your GP, if you’re a student you can head to student welfare.

Otherwise to find out more, check out the websites below:

http://www.mind.org.uk/

http://www.samaritans.org/

http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/

 

 

Depression: “But you’re so happy!”

Posted on by under #cheerupchallenge, Anti-depressants, Anxiety, Depression, Health, Life, Mental Health, Positivity, Social, Stigma

So after a long long time, I’m unfortunately back on anti-depressants. Over the last few months, my mood has dipped gradually despite my best efforts to do all the things that usually give me a boost. I’m still working on picking apart why I’m feeling like this so you’ll have to bear with me. Luckily I’m “experienced” enough that I was able to get myself to the doctors before doing anything drastic. So while I’m not thrilled that I’m back on tablets I’m glad that the doctors were so responsive.

People always seemed to be really surprised when I tell them that I suffer from anxiety and depression. The common response I get is; “Really?! You always seem so happy.”. And yeah, I always try my very hardest to be happy and if I feel rubbish then I at least pretend to be happy because sometimes, it almost tricks my brain into believing that I’m actually happy. But you’re right, it can be strange that people who seem so chipper can be secretly suffering in silence (not that I suffer in silence. I’m very open with my mental health.).

It can be really terrifying for someone to admit that they have depression and even harder to ask for help. If you know someone who’s been brave enough to open up to you about their mental health please support them. Even if all that means is supporting them to go to see the doctor. Or something as simple as checking up on them every once in a while.

I’ve been given a few days off to recover and been told to not do anything but I’m struggling. Lots of sleep and movies for me I think.

Before I finish and try to eat some good I want to share this:

image
This is the face of my depression and my experience back on tablets. Sleep deprived, puffy red panda eyes, nauseous, paranoid, extremely emotional, migraine filled, low on energy, no appetite (which has never happened before).

Its okay to ask for help, it’s okay to feel (and look) like this. I’m at a low point of an uphill struggle to get better but I’ve taken that first step (again) to admitting I need help which is half the battle.

A

Once a year.

Posted on by under Anxiety, Christmas, Health, Mental Health

Once a year Christmas day happens (it also feels like I only post once a year). Despite not being a Christian, not being religious at all in fact,my family gets together and plays stupid games and eats a butt load of food and usually end up playing mah jong. It’s a time of year that freaks me out a huge amount.

It’s the time of year where I’m reminded how little my family understand how strange my mind is and how complicated my mental illnesses are. Okay, so I’m writing this after having a midnight argument with my brother which has set off my anxiety a huge amount but I’m going to try my hardest not to let that affect how I write (he was trying to do something nice for my mum but it’s another thing that makes me ridiculously anxious which I now feel really bad about resisting!).

I’m extremely different from my family and have always felt like a black sheep. I’m the only one who’s working in my particular sector. I’m the only one who travels up and down the country to visit people. I’m the only one that’s into performing and music. The only one interested in technology. The only one that’s into comic books. I’m a nerd. And I feel very very English.

My family are very unaware and resistant to the idea that mental illness exists and because of that don’t quite understand mental health and how it can affect people. They don’t understand that almost everything to do with Christmas makes me anxious. I’m going to list a few things that I love and loathe about Christmas. It’s not all bad but it’s certainly not simple either.

Things I love about Christmas:

Christmas music. (I flipping love Christmas music)
People seem happy.
Writing cards for people.
Giving gifts.
Food.
Cheesy Christmas TV and films.

Things that make me anxious at Christmas:

Having a full day with a huge group of my family with no escape. (lots of people that come I only know as a passing acquaintance).
Not being able to have my own personal space.
Not being able to be musical at home.
Finances being drained by gifts.
Shopping for gifts.
The strange expectation that I have to celebrate Christmas despite not being religious.
New years eve.
Having to stay happy throughout the day even once anxiety kicks in so as not to ruin everyone else’s day.
Immeasurable guilt that I’ve not sent Christmas cards and gifts to everyone I know.
Irrational fear that I’m already running Christmas some way.
Feeling extremely alone even though I’m surrounded by people.

Anyway. This list could go on pretty much forever. This year, due to various factors and my mind not being the healthiest, everything feels amplified. But as always, I’ll knuckle under and get through it. I’m very fortunate to even have a family to feel awkward around.

All I ask is that today, this week, this season, where suicides rates are high, is for you all to look after your brains. Look out for other people’s brains too. Be understanding and compassionate. Be a little bit selfish too. Give yourself ten minutes to yourself if you need it. God knows that I’ll be doing that a lot.

Christmas can be a very stressful, lonely time for a lot of people. Lots of us think about all the things we’ve not achieved this year. We think about how we could have been better. Let’s try to help each other see all the good stuff we’ve achieved this year. As individuals, communities, society and the planet as a whole.

A

Campaign Bootcamp

Posted on by under Anxiety, Appreciation, Campaign, Campaign Bootcamp, General Ranting, Grateful, Happiness, Health, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, Life, Mental Health, Reflection

So for the last two days and for the next four, Campaign Bootcamp is my life. It’s an intensive week long campaign training course. It’s not a cheap thing to do but luckily I managed to get a scholarship to get on the course which means I didn’t have to pay a thing!

Around 225 people applied. People from all ages, races, religions, sexual orientations, genders and even countries have applied and I was one of the 35 people to be selected to be on the course. It’s an amazing group of people who are campaigning and working all across the sector from climate change to immigration. From youth work to positive money. The range
of people who are here is astounding and the skills and knowledge they have is not only impressive, but humbling and somewhat intimidating too.

Luckily everyone is remarkably nice which means that my perception of intimidation from them is all down to my own mindset. For those of you who know me well will know that I kind of hate making new friends and it really does make me feel extremely anxious. As I’m typing this, I’ve briefly retired to my bedroom to listen to music and to relax and calm my nerves. It does almost feel like a shame at the moment that I’m not making the most of the social opportunities here but I’m hoping that my anxiety will subside over the next few days and I can overcome my fear of meeting people!

Day one was all about getting to know one another and trying to make us feel a little more comfortable around each other. While I know that I can chat to people without them turning me away my own nerves and anxiety are currently preventing me from doing so. To a lot of people it’s really easy to just strike up a conversation with people and click with them but for me I find it infinitely more difficult! I have of course spoken to people in group activities and when they talk to me but I have been finding it really tough to approach people, especially since my most recent breakdown. That has left me in a particularly anxious and delicate state but I’m determined to make the most of my opportunity here and not let anxiety hold me back.

Today was day 2 and was all about strategy. It was a very up and down day, my mood was pretty low coming into the day and again, it’s made the social side of things really difficult. I learned plenty and heard a seriously inspiring story from a lady about her experience of surviving a forced marriage and how she dealt with her own depression and anxiety and turned that into various campaigns and powerful articles. What a lady!

My main take away from this so far is that my anxiety is currently debilitating and in turn is greatly affecting my depression but I’m going to make sure that this doesn’t ruin my week. I just have to keep reminding myself of the pride that I have that I made it on to the course, the importance of why I’m here and the appreciation for the opportunity. Don’t waste this opportunity, brain.

A

P.S. Look how nice this place is when it’s sunny!