Category Archives: Friends

Mental Health Awareness Week: Tag

Posted on by under #cheerupchallenge, Anti-depressants, Anxiety, Depression, Family, Friends, Health, Mental Health, Mental Health Awareness Week, Reflection, Respect, Social, Stigma, Stories, Taboo, Uncategorized, What's On Your Mind?

So it’s come round again pretty swiftly but we’re slap bang in the middle of MHAW.

The delightful Becca has tagged me to talk about my mental health. You should go check out her post here. First things first, thank you to Becca for sharing her story, answering these questions and helping to make talking about your mental health normal. Now, I’m sure regular readers will know a fair bit about my journey but here goes! (Warning, this is going to be a long one.)

  • What mental illness do you have?

I have depression and anxiety.

  • When were you diagnosed?

I was diagnosed with depression when I was 18 and still in college. The anxiety was when I was around 22.

  • Who knows about it?

Almost everyone I know. I try to be as open and honest about it as possible though that doesn’t always happen! The first person who knew was my ex who to this day I’m grateful to for supporting me and getting me the help I needed. We don’t speak anymore but I’ll always be thankful for helping me to get better! The first friend who I told about it was one of my closest friends and my sister from another mister. That was the hardest thing for me, just coming to terms with it all. I was so scared that it would alienate me from other people because I wasn’t normal.

  • Do you receive treatment for it?

I’m currently on a pretty decent dosage of Fluoxetine (I think it’s called Prozac in the states). I’ve been on more different tablets than I can count and have gone to counselling multiple times but believe it or not, the idea of talking about it to help me recover is still quite scary.

  • Has your mental illness stopped you from doing anything?

My anxiety and depression stop me from doing a lot of different things. Though I’m outwardly a very chatty person, I despise meeting new people fearing that they may hate me. It regularly stops me from going out and socialising with friends. So often, I decide to stay at home rather than see people I really want to as I’m so scared of talking to people that I don’t know. My mental illnesses also stop me from doing some really basic things too. It often leaves my body completely exhausted and I sometimes struggle to get out of bed, speak, eat, drink or even breathe sometimes. I’ve also (not for a while, thankfully) once left a restaurant because I couldn’t decide what to eat.

  • Is there anything in particular that has helped you?

Music, art, comic books, videogames and volunteering. Oh and food. I love food. Music is my favourite way to unwind and calm myself down. I love to sing and play. There’s something very therapeutic about creating something. Whether it’s a piece of music, a piece of art, a delicious dish. Or just saving the universe from monsters and aliens. Of course the other huge thing that helps me is having good people around me. Friends and family are not to be taken for granted. Whenever I need it, I seem to get a text or call from my best friends. Whenever I go home to see my family, we chat all night, we eat and watch Grand Designs. My work also helps me greatly. It’s a job I love and getting to work with and support other young people to help their communities and themselves gives me endless pleasure.

  • Can you describe what it feels like to have your mental illness?

It feels like a prison of thoughts. Every single interaction I have, whether professional or social is an absolute ball ache. I go through all the possible scenarios that could possibly come out of this interaction. What if I say something that offends them? What if I say something embarrassing? It’s exhausting. It’s a constant feeling of ineptitude and inability to function normally. It’s comparing myself to everyone else in society and to societal norms and trying to fit those molds. It’s like an elephant standing on my chest and daggers poking my brain. It’s more often than not a complete numbness to everything in the world. Pleasure is an uncommon thing and it’s very rare that I feel truly happy to be alive but I want to get back to being happy again.

  • What is a common misconception about your mental illness?

That it’s as easy as flipping a switch to turn it off. The number of times that I’ve been told to just get over it and stop being so miserable is impossible to count. It’s also the least helpful thing in the world. If I could do that I would do that in an instant. I don’t believe there’s anyone in the world who would want to suffer with depression and anxiety. I know so many people who I’ve worked with, volunteered with, spoken to online who are fighting the same fight as me and it’s probably the most common thing that is said to us. 13245324_1854977518062911_6991456438909472387_n.png

  • What do you find the most difficult to deal with?

The guilt. It’s unfounded, unfortunate and irrational. I would never feel guilty for breaking my leg and not being able to do something yet for some reason, not being able to bring myself to go out and see people because of my mental illnesses fills me with so much guilt. I feel guilty that I miss birthdays, gatherings, parties, dinners. I struggle to do any of that stuff unless I’m in control and I’ve planned every detail and know exactly who is and isn’t going to be there. I feel so guilty for letting people down and disappointing people but if it was the other way round, I wouldn’t ever feel like they were letting me down. They’re just looking after themselves.

  • Do you have anything else you’d like to say?

First, thanks for reading this far! It’s always a struggle to talk about these things so openly but it’s important that I do. I would love for more people to do the same so that I can make sure that we’re not going to be stuck feeling bad about our illnesses. As always, just make sure that you ask your friends how they are. Offer to support each other, look after each other, be kind to one another and make sure that there’s always love and compassion at the forefront of your mind.

Also, just generally don’t be a dick.

As this is mental illness tag, I’m tagging everyone who’s reading this. Drop it in the comments below if you’re comfortable doing it or write a blog post of your own. Otherwise, please feel free to like, comment and follow me for more mental health posts. 🙂

A

The Recovery Part 5: This is what my depression looks like.

Posted on by under #cheerupchallenge, #OnYourMind, Anti-depressants, Anxiety, Depression, Friends, Health, Mental Health, Positivity, Recovery, Social, Stigma, Taboo

What my depression looks like changes on a daily basis. Some days I’m a happy go lucky, music man with a spring in his step and a joke to tell. Some days I’m the calm, quiet, doodler. Some days I’m a tech mad, comic book nerd with his face deep in some sort of gadget.

Some days I’m a happy go lucky, music man with a spring in his step and a joke to tell. Some days I’m the calm, quiet, doodler. Some days I’m a tech mad, comic book nerd with his face deep in some sort of gadget. 

However, some days it’s also a raging beast of emotion which pours out of my eyes and my mouth as tears and words I’ll later regret. Other days it’s a complete numbness where I feel no emotion at all, no happiness or sadness. Some days I’m incapable of movement, speech or thought. Sometimes I break down over the most ridiculous things that most people would either be completely unphased by, or at most, are mildly irritated by (an example, today I had a breakdown after I realised I forgot to order my usual mushroom rice with my curry and I accidentally ordered a sweet sultana naan bread).  Often, I’m a combination of two or more of these and that’s pretty scary.

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Sometimes I break down over the most ridiculous things that most people would either be completely unphased by, or at most, aremildly irritated by.

For the people who don’t know me very well, they may well only see the happy-go-lucky guy. Or the doodler. Or the super nerd. And that’s the aim. Even me, who’s quite open about my mental health, find it hard to behave as I want to for fear of upsetting others. I don’t get to be emotional at work. I don’t allow myself to become overwhelmed and break down in front of other people. Often my mood swings on a normal day every hour or so. Some parts of the day you’ll get a genuine happy, super fun time Alex and other parts of the day you’ll get the fraud. Some parts of the day I’ll retreat away from other people by going for a walk or sitting in a meeting room so that I can stop the act for just a few minutes.

Every social interaction I have with other humans is a tiring and complicated experience inside my brain. Every single word I speak, my body language, whether or not I hug or shake hands or have any physical contact at all is thought over hundreds of times before every action. I go through every possible scenario that I can think of and plan for the best and worst possible outcomes. (Example: I accidentally added someone on Facebook recently and felt so bad and went through so many scenarios that I apologised to that person when I saw them before realising that I was probably going to end up adding them anyway at some point. The person did not care in the slightest that I added them on Facebook.)

Every single word I speak, my body language, whether or not I hug or shake hands or have any physical contact at all is thought over hundreds of times before every action.

Even if I feel well that day, my brain still thinks about these interactions constantly and if things go right, I feel pretty decent. If they don’t go as I’d hoped it could be the one thing that breaks my resolve and causes a dramatic mood swing. Days like today, where my mind and body are exhausted the thought of speaking to other people seems like the worst possible scenario. This is what my depression looks like summarised in it’s most simple possible form though there is a huge amount that I’m unable to verbalise or get down on to virtual paper.

If you’re comfortable sharing how your depression looks, please feel free to do so in the comments or get in touch with me privately via Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or email if you would like to talk. I may not post often but I’m still keen to help to facilitate people to discuss their own personal black clouds.

One thing it’s not is “just a fancy word for feeling bummed out”. Don’t be like Dwight.

A

P.S. Thank you to all of my friends, family and colleagues for understanding that when I ignore your calls, don’t turn up to things, take forever to reply to messages or lock myself away, that it’s not personal. You guys are my rocks.

Diversity City

Posted on by under Chinese, Family, Friends, General Ranting, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, Race, Social, Stigma, Stories

I’m very fortunate to live in London (well, the London Borough of Croydon) and I’m so glad that I can look to any corner of my city and see diversity. I don’t just mean race. I mean religion, political views, ethics, gender, sexual orientation. The lot. Being involved in the work that I do is a real insight into how this part of town is run. So many people I know are activists, campaigners, socially and politically aware and active.

It’s great and there’s no doubt about it.

One thing I have noticed though, which upsets me sometimes is that even though our city is so diverse, there’s one group that doesn’t seem to mobilise as much as others. We have a huge feminist movement. A huge LGBTQI movement. A huge black rights movement. A huge immigration movement. But my community, the one I grew up in is no where to be seen and if it can be seen, it’s not been seen by me. Even tonight at the Border Talk event in Vauxhall, I’m pretty sure I was the only Chinese person  here.

I’m Chinese by blood and proud of it. Only in the last few years have I really started to talk about being Chinese and talk about being Chinese. In that time I’ve been so proud. I see the Chinese community taking care of each other like we’re all family. People I don’t even know will support us when/if we ever need it. But we’re not, I don’t feel, fully integrated.


Who’s fault is this? No one’s in particular. We’re partly to blame, of course, but so is society. I’m not saying we have it hard as a people but we’re still subjected to stereotypes and unintentional racism. I can’t count how many times I’ve been asked “do you live above a takeaway?”, “do you know martial arts?”, “so, who would win in a fight between Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee?”. People actively avoid saying the “N” word but the words “chink” and “yellow” are still banded around like nothing.

We’re often stereotyped as the people that work in takeaways. The people that sell pirate DVDs. The people that speak with that hilarious accent. We’re good at maths and all play the violin and piano. Well, no, for a start. But I get it. A lot of Chinese people do work in takeaways. But why is that?

You tell a child enough times as a society that they’re the spawn of Satan and they’ll believe it. You tell the Chinese community, directly or indirectly that they’re best placed working in a takeaway, where do you think they’re going to end up?

We’re often seen as the meek, mild people who are happy to get on with our work in the classroom quietly but that’s not all we are. We’re proud people who value community and we are so much more than our race. We are youth workers, graphic designers, carers, creators, writers, philosophers, artists, rappers, actors,  and China also happens to be one of the fastest developing economies in the world.

So my message is twofold here.

1. Society needs to acknowledge the Chinese community as more than the people on the other side of the counter when they order their egg fried rice and spring rolls. We are people with stories.

2. As Chinese people, we need to stop letting ourselves be ignored. We need to speak up on the issues that matter to us as British Chinese people and we need to show solidarity with our brothers and sisters here in the UK. This is our home now too, lets look after it.

Yeah, Chinese, and what?

Blue Christmas

Posted on by under Anxiety, Appreciation, Family, Friends, Happiness, Health, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, Life, Mental Health, Open, Reflection

Christmas is a holiday which is widely associated with a fantastical magical feeling of good will, gift giving, love and joy. But is it always? Not for plenty of people.

There are Thousands less fortunate than me who are going to be sending Christmas alone, be it in a big empty house or on the street and we should try our best not to forget that. Remember all the things we’re grateful for and try not to take anything for granted. Health included.

I bang on a lot about mental health and in my opinion its for good reason. Mental ill health can make even the most joyous of occasions dull, horrible and scary. For the last six or seven years or so I’ve struggled at this time of year. Lots of people do but for different reasons.

This time of year is where I feel loneliest, despite the good spirit and the family that I have around me. I love my family and I know my family loves me, but I never feel comfortable with them. I’ve virtually nothing in common with any of them. It’s something I’ve felt for a long long time, but it’s extremely clear and very obvious when I’m forced, one day a year to spend it in the sole presence of my family.

It’s something I just can’t explain. That’s the place that I feel most alone, when I’m surrounded by people who love me most. However, while I’m uncomfortable, lonely and horrendously awkward at this time of year, I am still grateful.

Grateful to have family at all, grateful to my friends, grateful to have food on my plate and grateful to be alive. I’m not a fan of spending Christmas day with my family. But for one day a year, I’m happy to sit through a day of good food, bad games and even worse music and tv. It’s significantly tougher than even the most taxing days at work, but it’s worth it to see my family have a good time. Besides, it’s not unusual that the more I pretend to have a good time, for parts of the day I do end up enjoying myself.

Other people have it much tougher than I do though. Mine is just one example of depression and mental ill health taking over the holidays. If you know someone who’s going through a particularly tough time this holiday season, make sure that you’re there for them. It’s always easier to get through things knowing you’ve got someone in your corner.

And for those who struggle with these kinds of things and particularly over-thinking which I’m sure plenty of us do. Have a look at this little gem, courtesy of CollegeHumor.

Christmas is always blue for me, but blue isn’t all bad. I really get time to reflect on what’s important, who’s important and what I can do to get to the point I can genuinely enjoy the holidays again. Besides, blue is one of my favourite colours.

A

You’re Only As Good As The Company You Keep

Posted on by under Friends, General Ranting, Grateful, Happiness, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, Inspire, Mentoring, Positivity, Reflection, Success, Volunteering, Work


With the recent happenings in my life I’ve been very aware of the people that I surround myself with. I’ve recently started uploading songs I’ve written and had a really nice response from my friends. Alongside this I was also featured in a video for vInspired that you can watch here. Again the response and reaction I received was fantastic.

It made me think though, my story isn’t unique. It’s not exceptional. It’s a story that I share with so many incredible people albeit with a few details changed.  Today, I’m going to mention very briefly some of the people who inspire me most.

First of all, Kate. A good friend of mine, surprisingly I haven’t her known that long but it feels like I’ve known her for years. Also you may well have seen some videos of us singing together online. She suffers with ME but not once have I heard her complain about it. Instead she works tirelessly (and often to the point of making herself ill) to help others. She’s putting packs together for parents of severely I’ll children, she’s a top class dance teacher and she mentors. These are just a few of the things she does. Well played, kupkake.

Danielle, another close friend who is not only one of the smartest people I know, but the most thoughtful, kind and ethical people I know. She recently secured a job with an amazing charity in Newcastle. Besides that she constantly supports me to be better, more confident and for some reason finds my bad jokes funny. If I could have half the brains you have, I’d be a happy chappy!

Victoria is a close friend of mine who not only inspires me by regularly overcoming the things that make her feel most awkward. She’s got the brains and the guts to do things that scare her and for me, that gives me the strength and courage to challenge myself and do things I’d otherwise never do.

Naomi is another one of my closest friends who battles through everything with gusto! She’s the person who taught me that even when things go wrong you have no choice but to battle through it. If you don’t do that, if you just give in, how will you be able to help those who depend on you?

Pete 1. My previous boss and the gent who gave me real world experience of helping people. Sustained goodness that is still going on now. I was but a mere cog in a complicated machine of organising but I was always made to feel like the most important cog. I was taught, supported, guided and mentored and I wouldn’t be anywhere without the time this man invested in me. Check out Citizens UK for more info on what the organisation does.

Pete 2 moved down here recently from Newcastle to gain more access to theatre and work. Let’s face it, moving to an entirely new city takes guts. Not only that, but Pete is one of those people who just exudes friendliness. I challenge you not to love the guy.

Rob, my bae. Another man who moved down here for work. In his dream job for a year. GUTS. Also one of the people who you don’t have to pretend around. He taught me to loosen up a little and enjoy life a little more.

Zahrah. Old 6th form classmate who I fell out of touch with until she got in touch about the work I was doing. Now she works at vinspired and is kicking arse there. Zahrah teaches me every day to just be real. Do what you need to do and love whatever that is. No one is as real as kiwi.

These are just some of the MANY people who inspire me. These are some of the people who make me a better person and I’m so thankful for it. Don’t forget to notice those around you and how they impact your life in a positive way. I wish I could list more but this is already an insanely long post. Make sure you appreciate those around you. They are the people who help shape the person that you are.

A

Pillars of Friendship

Posted on by under Friends, General Ranting, Grateful, Happiness, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, People, Positive, Reflection

There are several things that I consider to be essential to a good friendship. Some of which I’m good at, some of which, admittedly, I suck at. There are also loads of things that I think we should all be getting out of our friendships and I think I’m really lucky to have friends who stick by me and I get so much from, despite occasionally being a bit rubbish. Hopefully I’m able to give back a little as well!

In terms of the things that we should all be giving to our friends below are my most important.

1. Time

Give your friends a bit of time whenever you can and a lot of time when you’re able. Friendship is a give and take and it’s always going to be tough when you’re working, volunteering, studying etc. but it’s worth it. Time is something that we all feel like we’re short of but for the people that are most important to us we need to make a conscious effort to make time. This admittedly is something I’m a bit rubbish at. I work quite a few evenings and weekends and volunteer a lot of my spare time. I’ve recently been trying to make more of an effort to see people I love and if not see them, at the very least text or call them to let them know I’m thinking of them!

2. Energy

Energy is something that I lack generally. A normal day takes it out of me completely and by the time I’m done at work I just want to sleep. However, I forget that whenever I see the people I love spending time with, it gives me energy. No matter how tired and miserable I feel my friends give me energy and hopefully I do the same for them! 🙂

3. Support

Whether it’s support with a particular topic, or support with a piece of work or even just supporting the fact that they hate that celebrity for wearing odd socks, supporting your friends is important. When your friends really need your support, try to help in any way you can. After all, you only get what you give and when the time comes where you need support, it’s always nice to have someone in your corner. 

4. Appreciation

Being grateful for your friends is key. Don’t take them for granted and assume that they’re always going to be around. Appreciate the little things they do for you. The random texts just to see how you are, the stupid un-funny in jokes which somehow make you cry with laughter. Don’t just appreciate what they do internally though. Let them know that you appreciate what they do for you. Whether it’s by subtle little gestures like buying them a coffee or a little gift or just by awkwardly telling them outright “I appreciate you”. If you do that without blinking, eyes wide as possible, looking them dead in the eye and smiling showing all your teeth, they’ll love it. Trust me.
It’s all swings and roundabouts. You only get what you give. What goes around, comes around. These principles apply to family, friends and everything in life. I chose to apply these four things to friends though as today is the day I’m feeling extremely grateful for the people in my life. I’m a very lucky guy and I really do appreciate the people I have in my life. 
A

A Glorious Return

Posted on by under Adventure, Anxiety, Friends, General Ranting, Grateful, Happiness, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, Life, Little Things, Mental Health, Music, Positivity, Reflection

So I’ve been experiencing some pretty awful writers block recently which may be a result of my recent panic attacks and dip in mood. However, I’m feeling significantly better now and I’m keen to get back on the blogging scene!

I’m very lucky to have had a really good week and been able to do the things which often lift me out of my funk. I even managed to socialise four times in one week! Tuesday night I went up to Newcastle to stay at some friends new flat before they headed down to London for graduation. On Wednesday night I went for dinner with an old friend in Newcastle. I went for a lovely dinner with people I volunteer with/volunteered with on Thursday and got the worlds messiest burger. Friday I managed to head out with some more old and new volunteering buddies for a chilled out evening in a nice bar by work. Good food, drink and company. What more could I want? I also had a really great week at work, speaking to hundreds of young people about running their own community projects and receiving some fantastic feedback from the event organisers. This set me up for a dynamite weekend.

So far this weekend, I’ve been writing songs, rewriting old songs, listening to music, playing music, singing along with music and reading about music. It’s been a pretty music fuelled Saturday. But as I’m sure I’ve mentioned before in previous posts, music is something which I love, something which makes me feel better all the time no matter how low I’m feeling.

All the songs that I write though, aren’t just to cheer me up. I always try to write songs for people who might also be going through a rough time and need cheering up. Besides music and friends, the thing that always cheers me up the most is knowing that I’ve made someone happy, made someone smile and helped to change someone’s mood for the better.

As some of my Facebook friends know and some of my twitter followers know, I’ve uploaded a few of my songs for people to have a gander at. I received some really nice feedback saying that I managed to put a smile on faces. This was pretty ace for me. My mood was dipping, my body and mind were exhausted, but the fact that I managed to make my friends smile with the music I created means that I was able to combine the three things that cheer me up the most.

If you don’t believe that cheering someone up will make you feel better about yourself, your mood and life in general, I challenge you to give it a try. And just a bit of shameless plugging, please find the three songs I uploaded just below. Right there. If you’re having a bit of a lousy Saturday, hopefully I’ll be able to brighten it up for you! Enjoy, smile and have a good weekend.

A

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3Fjci_OX2Y

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDP0CDO4UsU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RarOWXqrWTQ

The Three Amigos – Journey to the Best

Posted on by under Change, Friends, General Ranting, Grateful, Happiness, Volunteer, Work

So, what the hell do I want to do with my life?
I’m Jade and this is my story so far…

Having spent four years at university studying Music Performance, I thought it was a complete waste of time and money. I love music and believed that university was the only way to get into that industry. But when I wrote my dissertation I thought “hang on, I just proved to myself that I could get into the industry without doing a degree”. I spoke to lots of people in the industry, the majority of whom got to where they want to be without getting a degree first. I had to go through my degree to realise that this wasn’t the only way to get to where I want to be. I’ve spoken to loads of people who have been trying to get into the industry, they asked me how I got the job at the Think Big Hub and I really wanted to tell them that degrees aren’t the only way to get into the creative industries. It really gets me aggy thinking about it!

As long as you’re passionate, are willing to volunteer and  get the unpaid experience, it gets you so much further than if you just have a piece of paper. No one has ever asked me for that piece of paper. Unless you absolutely need a degree to go into a career you should consider alternatives. I’m not knocking university, I learned a lot about myself there and it was great for me on a personal development level, but career-wise, not so much. I did also get a lot of events experience there, which I may not have got my current job without. I have thoroughly mixed feelings about university. Degrees prove a certain type of intelligence. Lots of people are viewed as stupid if they don’t go to university, but people forget about the other types of intelligence. For example, hard work, grafting and moving up the scale.

Now that I’ve got some experience in the events industry it’s helped me a lot as it’s helped me get experience to move on to start a career rather than just looking for jobs. After however many years of “education” it took this 4 month internship to help me narrow down exactly what I’d like to do. I always knew I wanted to work with music but this has confirmed my choices for me.

So, Anisa, what the hell do you want to do with your life?

Well, I spent a whole year applying for uni and from age 5 I always thought that I wanted to go to uni to study maths. About two weeks before results day (or D-day) I sat down with my family who told me “you don’t have to go to university if you don’t want to”. In that split second I decided that I didn’t want to go which was really strange for me as I thought I’d always wanted to go. From then my plan of action was to look for apprenticeships and jobs but a lot of the jobs I was looking at required lots of office experience, so I decided to go for an apprenticeship. On results day I realised that I could have got into uni and I declined my uni place. I was a bit upset but I thought I could pay £18k for uni or I could spend time earning that money.

I got a call from Future UnLtd telling me that they had an opportunity for me, within a week after that, I had an interview with them and then another with Think Big and I found out that I had an apprenticeship. This was all really fast paced and from the 3rd of September I started with Think Big as a business admin apprentice. No one expected me to get an apprenticeship that quickly, myself included. It was a fantastic boost for me and my own confidence.

The youth sector wasn’t ever a path I expected to take but it’s given me experience in different sectors and while I’ve been set in my ways to go into corporate and mathematics, but this has made me an all rounder. I’m going to finish my apprenticeship and see how it comes. Things are always changing. Myself included.

So, Alex, what the hell do you want to do with your life?

Well, my life has had a series of twists, turns and unexpected events. I followed my family’s wishes and went through the education system. I was awful in my A-Levels and ended up having to do an extra year in college. Eventually I got into university and went to Birmingham City for a year. I hated it. I left and ended up training as a chef for a year. While I was working and studying, I volunteered.

This was a turning point for me. I have suffered with depression for a long long time and volunteering helped me and is still helping me recover. I fell in love with the sector and was lucky enough to volunteer with a gent named Pete and eventually got the job I’m in now.

It’s a short version of my story, but I’ll upload my full story of self soon. Much like Anisa and Jade, I never intended to work in the sector. Unlike them both, this, at the moment, looks like the sector I want to stay in. Experience is what I want, returning to my previous role in community organising as a full time employee is what I’m hoping for one day once I build up my resilience, experience and knowledge.

A big thanks to Jade and Anisa for joining me on the ol’ bloggosphere today! #Collaboration #TeamworkMakesTheDreamWork #DreamTeam

Selflessness is…

Posted on by under Family, Friends, Fun, General Ranting, Health, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, Life, Selfishness, Selflessness, Social, Work

Balance is key to a good, healthy, fun and happy life. The work-life balance is always one which is tough to get a hang of. The friends-family balance is just as tricky (at least I think it is anyway). Everything in life is a delicate balance, the see-saw effect means that too much of any one thing makes life a bit crap!

A lot of people I know have a pretty unhealthy work-life balance. I used to as well. One of my jobs from a few years ago would keep me busy from around 8/9 in the morning well into the 8/9 in the evening realm. I loved my job, but I ended up neglecting my social life and barely looked after myself. Needless to say I got pretty ill and ended up having to miss a few days of work. In my attempt to be selfless I ended up not being able to help anyone.

It’s taken me a few years to force myself to be able to fully adequately balance my work-life. I try as best I can not to work out of hours and to make sure I take back all my extra hours. It’s not always easy when there’s a lot to juggle and when you’re finding it hard to focus. My depression often makes it hard to focus, especially if I’m going through a particularly rough patch. What’s important to do here is to ask for help and to look after yourself.

Remember this: you can’t help anyone if you’re dead.

If you want to continue to be selfless and to help others, to look out for those that you care about, to stand up for those who aren’t able to, you’ve gotta look after yourself first. Go see a show, visit some nice sites, listen to some music, just do something to look out for yourself.

This might sound like a selfish notion, but I don’t see any problem in being selfish every once in a while if it allows me to go out there at my best and help people.

Selflessness, like every other part of life is a balancing act. Too selfish and you’re a bell end. Too selfless and you won’t be in any fit state to help anyone.

I hope for you workaholics, super socialites, recluses and never-indoors-ers this blog will be able to give you a nudge to make sure your life is balanced. I promise you it’ll be much more fun.

Appreciation for the Nation

Posted on by under Family, Friends, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, Kindness, Little Things, Mental Health, Mentoring, Music, People, Volunteering, Work

Welcome, welcome, one and all! I’ve been saying for quite a while now, that I would start blogging again and so here we go. I’ve been pondering lots of things recently and sometimes, I ponder more than I’d like. My depression hits hard sometimes and I  have to do what I can to try to keep my mood up and appreciate everything that I have and naturally, I try to focus on what makes me successful when my mental health makes me feel like I’m failing.

We all have different definitions and interpretations of life, love, work and fun. What some people find fun, others find absolutely mind-numbing. What some people find hilarious, others find cringe-worthy. And most importantly, what some find to be a success, others deem it to be a complete failure.

Success to many is related entirely to how much they earn, how up to date their phone is, or how many doodah’s they own. Not everyone measures success in what they earn or what they own though. Obviously, I’m not saying I don’t like money or phones or doodah’s, in fact I love them all, but I value other things more. So here’s a little list of what I value most.

1. People

There are some people who you instantly know you’re going to get on with, some people who you get to know over time and some people you’re born with and live with. 
My family, despite their flaws and annoying habits, are fantastic. They don’t really understand depression, but they selflessly put up with my moods, my days where I don’t want to see/speak to anyone and I even occasionally get lifts from the station to my house (which is ridiculous seeing as it’s only a ten minute walk). 
My friends are the other people who make me feel successful. They, much like my family, look out for me when I need it most and most of the time I don’t even need to ask. It’s like they have a 6th sense. There are so many to name, so I won’t name any at the risk of forgetting and offending someone. The only failure here is that a lot of them live in the north. Sort it out guys, come to London.

2. The Stuff I Do

Volunteering is a great thing to make someone feel successful. I currently mentor some mentors who mentor some mentees. I’ve taken a bit of a back seat in volunteering recently but when I was volunteering for a couple charities at once and could see a tangible change because of the things I do, I felt successful. 
My work makes me feel successful sometimes too, in particular when I’m working face to face with my young people and supporting them with what they do. I love helping them achieve what they want to achieve, and hearing/reading/seeing the excitement in their voice/email/face when they hear that their projects are being approved!

3. The Music of Life

I’m not a professional musician. I’m not even an amateur musician. I am a self taught guitar and ukulele player and a keen singer. I’m never going to pursue a career in music but playing music and singing makes me feel brill especially when I’m singing with a friend. It’s much more fun. Even without the musical instruments, a good album or a catchy tune will pick me up. 

4. All the Little Things

A nice walk, a random smile from a stranger (which believe me, is a massive deal in London) , an unexpected text from an old friend. I try my very best to look out for little things in my day which I can appreciate. For example, every morning I get the bus over London Bridge. On one side I can see St. Paul’s Cathedral, the other, Tower Bridge, Town Hall, HMS Belfast and of course on both sides, the River Thames. London is a beautiful city, I wish people would get off their phones and appreciate exactly how amazingly lucky they are to be here! 
One final little thing which makes me feel awesome, is getting home from work, kicking off my shoes and getting changed into my Hawaiian lounge pants and oversized NYPD hoodie. Comfort unparalleled. Who needs clubs and bars when you have comfort clothes and a ukulele?

5. Not Being a Bellend

Sounds like a pretty simple thing. Don’t be a bell end. Be a good person, treat people with respect. Don’t be a push over, but be kind. I feel better about myself just by being nice. If you’re good to people, people will be good to you. If you treat people like shit, don’t be surprised when the same shit comes flying back in your face. People appreciate it when you treat them with love and respect. 
I know that last line was cheesy. It’s true though. 
This little blog has been a little strange, poorly structured and I think the message has changed slightly from beginning to end but thanks for reading this far! Let me know if you like the blog and let me know if there’s anything you’d like me to write about next time!
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