Category Archives: Appreciation

The Recovery Part 8: Success In Selflessness

Posted on by under #cheerupchallenge, Anxiety, Appreciation, Campaign, Depression, Happiness, Life, Little Things, Mental Health, Recovery, Selfless, Selflessness, Social, Volunteer, Volunteering

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Why the f*** is this guy sauntering back onto the web to tell us things when he ditched us for so long. Well that’s totally fair. I’ve been pretty shitty when it comes to blogging the last few months (not that I was particularly consistent before).

Well the short version is that I was taking a break from blogging as I’d run out of things to talk about. I’m sure everyone was getting rid of hearing about my recovery (though I’m clearly writing about it still) which is still ongoing, though I am doing better. Panic attacks are limited now to bed time when I have too much time to think (so I’ve been playing retro Pokémon games to fall asleep faster with less panics). Social anxiety is lessening, though please don’t put me in a room with a whole load of people I don’t know and tell me to socialise. I will cower in fear, hide in a corner and most likely hyperventilate.

My reason for writing this post is that I feel as though I’d lost my way with this blog recently. It started as a blog about volunteering and has become more about my mental health than anything else. I am certainly looking at diversifying the content that I put up here to include things that I find interesting (I hope you’re all ready for Nerdpocalypse) but again, lots of it won’t have anything to do with volunteering.

However I have a few projects in the pipeline which will be happening in the next few months and I’m super keen to share the first one with you. I’ll soon be turning 25 years old. A quarter of a century. I’m really lucky that, at this milestone, we generally don’t start to have gammy legs and broken backs. I’m reasonably healthy and able. So for my 25th birthday, my friends and I are coming up with a list of 25 random acts of kindness which we’ll carry out on my actual birthday. 25 is quite a lot and there are only so many hours in the day so we’re looking at doing small, thoughtful gestures. Here’s the list so far:Diem.jpg

  1. A meal for a homeless person
  2. Help an old person/person less physically able with their shopping or cross the road
  3. Sing for the sick
  4. Sing for random people to put a smile on their face. 
  5. Write and distribute positive notes to strangers
  6. Tape some coins to a vending machine for the next person
  7. Give strangers a flower
  8. Pay for a coffee for the next person in the queue
  9. Community clean up
  10. Pop up yoga session for people
  11. Give Blood
  12. Give random people a compliment

We only have 12 things so far so we’re needing lots more! I’m hoping for a huge group of people who can help me tick off every item throughout the day and I’m reaching out to everyone on the internet to help out. It’ll be taking place in London on Sunday September 4th, likely starting from Croydon first thing in the morning. I’ll surely need help carrying things from my  house through Croydon and into London.
If you’re interested at all, just pop a comment down and/or email me. 🙂 I would love to get someone along to help to document the day via video and social media as well.

I’ll be tweeting out using the hashtag #SelflessSunday.

It’s sure to be a Spectacular September Sunday of Successful Selflessness so please join me for part of or all of the day and help me celebrate my birthday in the best flipping way possible!

I hope you’re all feeling happy, healthy and loved.

A

The Recovery Part 4: Being Your Real Self

Posted on by under #cheerupchallenge, Anti-depressants, Anxiety, Appreciation, Depression, Little Things, Mental Health, Nerd, Recovery, Uncategorized

I used to spend absolutely ages trying my hardest to hide parts of my life that I thought were uncool or weird. Even things I absolutely loved and really enjoyed. There was only one thing that I didn’t hide as much when I was in school and that was my love for Yu-Gi-Oh cards. I was amazing at that game.

I used to absolutely love anime, video games, manga, cartoons. All the nerdy things. Over time my nerd interests grew to include comic books, technology (in particular mobile phones and computers) and science. But throughout most of my life, I was absolutely embarrassed by all of my “awful” interests.

I’m not what you’d call “conventionally cool”, hell I’m barely even unconventionally cool. But I’ve been trying really hard over the last few months to appreciate myself in a way that I’ve always struggled with. I’m embracing all the things that make me, me. I’m trying to find my “Inner Babe” (T, I’m still working on it!) and I think it’s going well.

I’m actually sitting here watching some anime as I type and I’ve got to the point now where it’s more exhausting to try to hide my nerdy habits. I’ve got comic books next to my bed, Marvel bunting with my name on it (thanks V) and video games and controllers all over the place. Wireless charging pads litter my desk, Bluetooth headphones accompany me everywhere, my smartwatch (which is arguably entirely pointless) is part of my daily outfit. I have a cupboard full of old computer parts and a desktop computer which I’m slowly but surely building up to be a beautiful piece of kit.

That’s not everything that defines me though, I’m a musician, an illustrator, a youth worker and a singer. Those parts of me I never hid as they’re a little bit “cooler”… But all of these things are what makes me, me. I’m celebrating everything that makes me unique.

I hope you’re able to appreciate yourself too, all the bits that you don’t often consider to be excellent. All the bits that society wouldn’t generally consider to be cool, all the nerdy things, all the lame things, all the weird things. Love them all! If people judge you based on your harmless interests then screw them!

I’m trying my hardest to be my real self. I hope you get to be your real self too.

If all else fails, my mum says I’m cool…

A

The Recovery Part 3: Dating With Depression

Posted on by under #cheerupchallenge, Anti-depressants, Anxiety, Appreciation, Dating, Depression, Mental Health, Recovery

As you may well have noticed, I’ve not been on for over a month! I’ve not been 100% and have been really struggling to focus on anything in particular. However, I’m back now with a “no pain no gain” attitude and twice the amount of Fluoxetine in my system.

I want to start off by saying thank you to all the people who have been getting in touch with me over the past month and sharing their stories with me. That’s exactly why I write about my experiences. I want people to be able to talk about their anxiety, depression and other mental illnesses openly, confidently and proudly. It’s a big step to take, and though it’s a big part of your life it doesn’t define you. Please continue to encourage others to talk about their mental health and please get in touch with me if you want to talk about yours. You’re never alone and I don’t want you to ever feel like you are.

While I’ve not been posting very regularly, I have still been talking about my depression and anxiety pretty openly. So over the next few days/weeks I’ll be covering various topics of discussion that I’ve been over.

I’ve spoken to a couple people about this over the last month and have had some very frank discussions about depression and dating. I’ve got some great people around me who have spoken with me very tactfully about it all. I’m obviously single and have been for quite a long time now and I’ve been quite down about being single for a while. Why? Who knows, maybe it’s because I feel like I should be in a relationship because so many of my peers are in them. Maybe it’s because I’m “getting on a bit” and am “running out of time”. Maybe I just want someone to validate me. It could be one, none or all of the above!

But really? Is this at all productive? Answer: no.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I don’t still think about all of this stuff. I do and it’s still affecting me BUT I’m working my butt off to change the way I think. Why should I be in a relationship just because other people are? Why should I be in a relationship just because I’m getting older? (I’m 24. That’s not even close to being old.). And most of all, why should I be in a relationship so that someone can validate me?! I shouldn’t.

One of my very wise friends said to me:

“Are you sure you’re ready for a babe? You haven’t even found your inner-babe yet.”

She’s totally, 100% right. I’ve not found my inner-babe yet. I haven’t even got to the point where I’m happy with who I am, being in a relationship isn’t necessarily going to fix that.

I’m not saying I’m going to stop dating and seeing people, but my main focus has to be me first. A big part of that is pushing myself to talk about my good points and speaking to people that I might actually want to date rather than assuming they wouldn’t be interested. Low self-esteem is tough to overcome but it is possible with hard work, reflection and appreciation.

I know I’m not the only person who has this problem. Social anxiety is a fucking nightmare already without throwing depression in the mix but they go hand in hand. So to conclude, you’re absolutely brilliant as you are. We aren’t perfect, but our flaws make us interesting too, they make us unique.

I have a lot of love to give, as I’m sure all of you do too (apart from you people with your frozen hearts and dark, evil souls of hatred) so why not point that love inwards and learn to appreciate yourself a little more?

A

 

The Recovery Part 2: On the Mend

Posted on by under #cheerupchallenge, Anti-depressants, Anxiety, Appreciation, Depression, Happiness, Health, Little Things, Mental Health, Recovery, Taboo, Uncategorized

So it’s been a few weeks now since I’ve started on my tablets again and put a lot of plans in place to make myself better. Some of my key goals have been small easy wins and some are slightly longer term and a little more difficult to achieve.

The small easy wins that I’ve managed recently are:

  1. Read! I’ve recently bought a poetry book by Sarah Howe called the Loop of Jade. It’s a great collection and focuses quite a bit on her dual identity being half Chinese and half English. (Similarly, I’m a British-born Chinese person.) I don’t read anywhere near as often as I used to so it’s good to be reading again.
  2. Get out of my room. This one seems silly but it’s so easy for me to lock myself away in my room and play video games all evening and ignore my housemate and the world outside of my bubble. But just trying to sit downstairs more often, staying for a chat for a half hour is a huge deal for me and often leads to me sticking around for much longer and enjoying myself.
  3. Be more creative. I’ve been trying my very hardest to set aside more time in my day for creative practices. Music (as always) is my number one, go-to creative activity. I’m singing more often, louder and with less inhibitions! Living in a house with another singer and musician helps greatly. I’ve also been trying to illustrate more as it’s something I always used to love doing. I try to create things I can give away to people and make them smile.
  4. Get to work. For the first few weeks of the year I couldn’t work. I could barely get out of bed, to be fair. But I found that the extreme anxiety of going back to work after so long was short-lived. The anxiety is still there but as I get used to it all again it’s fading quickly. The first week I was back I came in a little later and left a little earlier. Now I’m back to working full days and am easing myself back into delivering sessions and workshops.

While these are huge steps for me, they’re such simple little things for most people so I’ve added them to my small easy wins. Getting out of bed at all should be on there for sure. Little things add up and make a huge impact. I’m still far from feeling well. I still get bouts of feeling very sick, spikes in my anxiety and still quite often it takes everything in me to not have a panic attack. All of this and trying my very hardest to keep a smile on my face for the sake of my work is extremely tiring. I finish most days exhausted and by the time I get home and have cooked and eaten, that’s it for me and I hit the hay and the struggle to wake up and get out starts all over again.

It’s important for me, and for lots of people recovering from mental illness to find a routine, find small wins, celebrate those wins and slowly build up to bigger things. My mood may dip multiple times a day but I’m confident that with everything that I’ve been putting into place I’m going to get better. I hope you’re all able to find something to get you back on the road to recovery and allow you to take control of your body and mind again.

Please feel free to get in touch with me and let me know if you have any routines and activities that you use to keep your mood up! 🙂

Yours sleepily,

A

The Gateway To 2016 And The Ones You Miss The Most

Posted on by under Anxiety, Appreciation, Happiness, Kindness, Little Things, Mental Health, People, Positive, Positivity, Praise

This isn’t going to be a generic 2015 summary and 2016 preview. I’ll do a little bit, of course, but that’s not the focus of this post.

Sure I achieved a lot this year. Met some amazing people and saw lots of brilliant things happen. I’ve also taken a few hits this year. My confidence at work has increased greatly but my confidence in social situations has plummeted. However, this isn’t a sad story so don’t reach for the tissue. I’m determined to be better so I know I will be.

Anyway, this post is more about the people I wish I could be with tonight. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a delightful evening cooking a baked lamb meatball ragu but I was meant to be in Newcastle with my extra families so I miss them tons. The brothers, sisters, aunties and uncles from the north, the nephews. All of them. I miss all my old Team v people (and I apologise massively for not keeping in touch with lots of you!). I miss my friends around the world. I miss my friends who live in the same town/city as me but I never seem to be able to connect with.

Admittedly I’ve been much less good at keeping in touch with everyone recently due to various self made mental barriers too. I’m working on it as hard as I can so I’m hoping I won’t be missing you for long.

But for me, and I’m sure everyone else I know, there’s that one person that I wish I could see right now more than anyone. Hopefully, like my person, they make you feel like a better person, they make you smile and feel comfortable. You might not speak to them often and might see them even less but whenever you do see them or speak to them, you’re excited to and it feels like nothing has changed.

So for your first kind gesture of the year, I implore you to drop that person a message, a text, write them a letter, visit them.

Happy New Year.

Love, smiles, and good vibes.

A

Long Time No See

Posted on by under #cheerupchallenge, Anxiety, Appreciation, Happiness, Mental Health, Reflection

It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything on here. Right now I’m feeling pretty good. I’ve had a pretty miserable day. I’ve been much quieter at work than usual which was noticed by a few people (I’m usually well gobby). But overall in life, I’m feeling pretty good. I’m not sure what’s got me feeling so good. So many of my friends are having a tough time at the moment. So many people are suffering. There’s so much stuff going on in the world and I’m here feeling good.

Again, I don’t know why I’m feeling so positive at the moment. Work is good I guess. I’ve got lots of music in my life and have recently started hanging out with some great new people which makes life a little more exciting. I’m embracing my interests and general existence much more than I used to due to a few long deep chats with one or two people. I’m also blessed with some incredible friends who are working their hardest to change the world to make it better which fills me with hope for the future of the planet and friends . I’m in the middle of planning the next chapter of my life, applying for jobs (whilst also working my arse off to hopefully get another offer at this job) and looking at places to move out of my family home and hopefully will have somewhere new to live in the new year! I’m also going to Newcastle this weekend to see some amazing people and go to a gig for one of my favourite bands. 20151019_200745

Now I don’t mean this to be a “humble-brag”. I want this to show that celebrating your successes is an amazing thing. Even if they’re little things. Even if it’s just because you’re happy for no reason. You should never feel guilty for being happy (unless your happiness depends on making someone else miserable. Then you should feel super guilty.) you should enjoy the things that make you happy. You should be enjoying every single positive thing that goes on in your life and if you can share those moments (and create them) with your loved ones, you should just fucking go for it!

A

The Generosity of Strangers and the Power of Music.

Posted on by under #cheerupchallenge, Appreciation, Fun, Inspire, Kindness, Life, Mental Health, Music, Volunteer, Volunteering

So if we’re friends on Facebook or if you follow me on Twitter you may have noticed that I’ve been planning a gig with my friend for the Playing for Change Foundation. We ran the gig on Monday night and it was AMAZING. We gave ourselves (stupidly) only two weeks to plan it. This meant sourcing artists, a venue, negotiating terms with said venue and getting a large enough crowd to make sure that our artists weren’t singing in front of an empty room! Luckily we pulled it off. We found some incredible artists some with powerful voices to get the crowd up on their feet and some with smooth, calming tones perfect for relaxing to. I also ended up singing, partly because we needed more people and also because I love music.

It’s safe to say that I was astounded that these incredible artists were so happy to give up their Monday night (yep, Monday night gig) to perform for us. Some people I’d only met once or twice and some I’d known for a few months. Only Jade, my fellow organiser, had I known for any real length of time. But I knew two out of three of the other performers, not particularly well, but I knew them and I knew they were good people. One is a powerful activist with the voice of an angel, the other is working towards being a counsellor, with so much soul in her voice! The third and fourth, one who I’d only met a couple times and one never before (and Jade) work on a social action programme are powerhouses in work and music. All the people we had involved with the performing side of the gig were involved, in one way or another, in making the world a better place to live in, in creating a more peaceful, healthy, fair and happy society for us and our future generations and I’m so proud and so honoured to have been able to perform alongside these beautiful people.

The crowd were also pretty special. We had way more people come along than we expected. 50+ people, casual acquaintances, friends, friends of friends, complete strangers from upstairs even some of the staff from the pub (more on that later). The people who came primarily were also people working to make the world a better place. Many work in charities, some are nurses, volunteers, campaigners, activists, artists, fellow musicians and everywhere in between. Even if they weren’t working in one of the “social” sectors, the fact that they came along and supported the charity and the gig and us, means they came along to help us change the world.

20150921_215537[1]

Our wonderful Gen, absolutely killing it on stage!

Finally, a huge thank you to the venue. I can’t express to you just how generous these strangers were. We booked the venue on short notice on a night where there are few events. They provided a stage, amps, microphones, stands, stools, extra lamps, tons of extra chairs, a member of staff at our own little bar and a whole host of smiles. A few stick in my mind in particular.

Emmanuel, the bouncer for the night popped in periodically, bringing audience members and listening in. He complimented us all multiple times and I learned that he’s a saxophonist and has been playing for over 17 years.

Rosie, who was working the main bar upstairs, came down before we started and helped us set up the room. This doesn’t sound like much but we asked for the room to be changed multiple times. Sofas moved, stage put out, extra chairs put away then brought back out. She did this all with a huge beautiful smile and she even stayed for a little chat. She’s a good egg despite our indecisiveness and our very particular plans.

Maria, who was our amazing bartender for the night, wasn’t feeling great. But she still worked with another beautiful smile, paid us a heap of compliments and made sure we were all sorted and ready to have a cracking night. I left one of my cables at the venue after Monday and when I went to pick it up, she greeted me with that same infectious smile and told me how glad she was that she worked downstairs for the night. It’s a small gesture on her part but it means the world to me.

On top of their amazing team, they gave us the venue for free. So if you’re ever in the Shoreditch area and are looking for some of the best staff in town and the nicest beer garden ever, go on down to the Water Poet. You won’t regret it.

We couldn’t have achieved any of what we did without the help of amazing artists, volunteers, audience members, venue, staff and supporters from afar so to everyone who came along, thank you for your generosity!

You can still donate to PFC here.

Music is a powerful tool for change and a valuable learning tool for young people and adults alike. Help us spread the message of peace through music.

To hear more music check out my YouTube channel here where I’ll be uploading some videos from the night and follow some of our other singers below. (More to be added in due course).

Kath: @kaffwyatt (tweet her to get her singing more!)

 

Campaign Bootcamp Blues

Posted on by under Adventure, Anxiety, Appreciation, Campaign, Campaign Bootcamp, Change, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, Kindness, Life, Little Things, Mental Health, Positivity, Selflessness, Volunteer, Volunteering

So I made it home this morning around 1am after a very long and very tiring week at Campaign Bootcamp. The last two posts I’ve written were written while I was there and they mostly focused on my anxiety and how I was coping with that throughout the week. This post will be slightly different. Campaign Bootcamp is obviously a huge deal. It costs the best part of £3000 to take part per-individual and has training from some of the best campaigners around. It’s also in massively high demand with around 250 applicants and only 34-ish places. So in appreciation of this great training and community, here are the top 4 things that I’ve taken away from the week.

1. Knowledge

Okay, so this one is a bit of a cheat. Knowledge is super broad and you do learn something new every day but I’m talking about vast amounts of knowledge and information. Whether it was about values, theories of change, other world issues or existing campaigns, I learned more than I expected to. Lots of that knowledge came from within the group itself and it was all made so accessible for the less experienced campaigners in the room. So even though it might seem like a bit of a cheat, it’s important to remember that knowledge is power. The more you know…

Learning outdoors in the sun is the best way to do it. 

 2. A Kick Up The Arse

When I arrived at the training we all had to introduce ourselves for one minute. And while everyone else went up and spoke about themselves and all the campaigning that they do, I spoke more about the fact that I wasn’t currently a campaigner. I’m more of a teacher, instructor and supporter. However, now that I’ve spent the week with some of the most ridiculously experienced and passionate campaigners there are, I feel like I’ve been given renewed energy for running campaigns rather than just supporting them. Keep your eyes peeled for more. 
A nice chat by Shami Chakrabarti was certainly… Sharmi-ng! HEYOHHHHHHH!

 3. Resilience

The first two days were particularly difficult for me this week. I am not a huge fan of meeting new people, especially all at once in a place where I’m not comfortable! I had to take myself away for an hour or so, the first few evenings to recover a little from panic attacks. I was very close to leaving and not coming back. However, everyone was so supportive and so open and welcoming. I also remembered over and over about the opportunity and how hard it is to get on to bootcamp. I resolved to stay, even if I didn’t speak to anyone the rest of the week, I would stay. I even managed to put up with all the forced dancing!
A circle of dancing. Not tribal at all.
Luckily, MJ had a ukulele so I managed to feel better pretty swiftly. But I really had to work to stay there and be resilient. If I hadn’t forced myself out of my comfort zone I’d have missed out on some of the greatest people I’ve ever met! 

 4. People

I wanted to learn a lot and start putting things in to practice in my own life, work and campaigning. I met some of the most incredible people this past week. I knew calibre was going to be high when I walked into that room and I knew there would be people with more years of experience than I’d been alive for. I even got to meet and have lunch with Shami Chakrabarti.
What I really wasn’t expecting was to feel such love and warmth from people I’d only just met. Throughout the week I got talking to a bunch of people about everything they’ve been doing and why they do what they do but also about what they love to do when they’re not working or campaigning. 
Even besides that, there were some people who I was able to mess around with for no reason. People I was able to complain to/with. People who I was able to avoid dancing with. The culture was incredible and I knew at any point I could walk up to anyone and start a conversation with someone without feeling like I was being a pain in the arse. 
A little camp fire quiz session with Olivia the quiz master. 

So despite the rocky start and the crazy brain making things just that little bit harder, I’m glad I got on to Campaign Bootcamp, I’m glad I stuck it out and I’m so glad to have met everyone that I did. I’m actually feeling a bit lost without 30+ people around me at all times but I’m making the most of it by watching Blue Planet.

Oriana and Dora, the best buddies a guy could ask for!

Finally, Rachel, Tamara-Jade –

Campaign Bootcamp

Posted on by under Anxiety, Appreciation, Campaign, Campaign Bootcamp, General Ranting, Grateful, Happiness, Health, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, Life, Mental Health, Reflection

So for the last two days and for the next four, Campaign Bootcamp is my life. It’s an intensive week long campaign training course. It’s not a cheap thing to do but luckily I managed to get a scholarship to get on the course which means I didn’t have to pay a thing!

Around 225 people applied. People from all ages, races, religions, sexual orientations, genders and even countries have applied and I was one of the 35 people to be selected to be on the course. It’s an amazing group of people who are campaigning and working all across the sector from climate change to immigration. From youth work to positive money. The range
of people who are here is astounding and the skills and knowledge they have is not only impressive, but humbling and somewhat intimidating too.

Luckily everyone is remarkably nice which means that my perception of intimidation from them is all down to my own mindset. For those of you who know me well will know that I kind of hate making new friends and it really does make me feel extremely anxious. As I’m typing this, I’ve briefly retired to my bedroom to listen to music and to relax and calm my nerves. It does almost feel like a shame at the moment that I’m not making the most of the social opportunities here but I’m hoping that my anxiety will subside over the next few days and I can overcome my fear of meeting people!

Day one was all about getting to know one another and trying to make us feel a little more comfortable around each other. While I know that I can chat to people without them turning me away my own nerves and anxiety are currently preventing me from doing so. To a lot of people it’s really easy to just strike up a conversation with people and click with them but for me I find it infinitely more difficult! I have of course spoken to people in group activities and when they talk to me but I have been finding it really tough to approach people, especially since my most recent breakdown. That has left me in a particularly anxious and delicate state but I’m determined to make the most of my opportunity here and not let anxiety hold me back.

Today was day 2 and was all about strategy. It was a very up and down day, my mood was pretty low coming into the day and again, it’s made the social side of things really difficult. I learned plenty and heard a seriously inspiring story from a lady about her experience of surviving a forced marriage and how she dealt with her own depression and anxiety and turned that into various campaigns and powerful articles. What a lady!

My main take away from this so far is that my anxiety is currently debilitating and in turn is greatly affecting my depression but I’m going to make sure that this doesn’t ruin my week. I just have to keep reminding myself of the pride that I have that I made it on to the course, the importance of why I’m here and the appreciation for the opportunity. Don’t waste this opportunity, brain.

A

P.S. Look how nice this place is when it’s sunny!

Mental Health Awareness Week

Posted on by under #cheerupchallenge, Anxiety, Appreciation, Change, Grateful, Happiness, Health, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, Life, Little Things, Mental Health

So this week has been Mental Health Awareness Week and it felt like a good time for me to get back into the bloggosphere, even just for this one post. It’s been nearly two months since my last post on here and the reasons for that are various.

Life has been hectic. Lots has been going on, good and bad! And so I thought it would be a good chance to tell you all about all the things that have been going on with my mental health. So I’m going to write about the good, the bad, the achievements and the setbacks.

The Good

I’ve had lots of good things happen the last few months and I’ve been able to get a lot done. I’ve achieved a lot and am generally feeling really proud of myself. Work is going great, I’m really getting my name out there and getting s*** done!
I’ve spent the last few months trying to get my life on track and I’ve been doing my very best to push myself out of my comfort zone. I’ve been trying to do more things by myself which I’d always struggled with. For example, I went to the cinema by myself for the first time ever. It might sound stupid and it might be a bit weird but I did it! It wasn’t easy though. I had to invest a lot of time and effort into it. 
First thing I had to do was spend money. I booked the ticket online in advance, VIP seating, 3D screening of The Avengers: Age of Ultron. I also went out to get some food an hour before the screening started. 
The next thing I had to do was tell people I was doing it! Once I’d told people I was going to go, I felt like I had to go. Backing out was no longer an option! 
The last thing I had to do was compose myself! After having eaten my meal I went into the cinema and very nearly had a panic attack so I had to compose myself. I just tried to think about the mission. 
I made it through and saw the film, beat my anxiety and ended up having a really good day. Don’t get me wrong I left the cinema feeling very shaken and completely overwhelmed but once it all sunk in, I’m really proud that I made it through that day!

I’ve also done a lot of stuff on Instagram with the #cheerupchallenge. If you don’t follow me on Instagram, my #cheerupchallenge is a series of posts highlighting all the things that I do to keep my mood up. If you’d like to follow the journey just follow me on Instagram @alexquang or click the link at the top of the page in the social media section!

The Bad

My mood has been undoubtedly lower than usual however my mental health in general has been a lot better! I can’t figure out a reason why my mood is lower but there are a few contributing factors. 
There’s been lots going on with my family which has contributed to my mood dipping. Lots of my family have been having troubles. My aunt is ill and my gran took a tumble and I’ve been doing what I can to help out. 
As a result of my lowered mood and family commitments, I’ve been seeing my friends less which again has a massive impact on my mood! Hopefully I’ll be better soon, with more free time and be able to go up to see the gang in Newcastle and of course those a little closer to home! 🙂 
Unfortunately also, I’ve been able to make good on the idea for my #OnYourMind project. It’s something I’d definitely like to come back to soon but at the moment, I’m not able to manage the idea as well as I’d hoped (hence the much simpler #cheerupchallenge). If you would like to help out though and contribute/organise, any help would be appreciated. Just email me at alexquang1@gmail.com! 

Overall

All in all, it’s been a mixed month. Right now I’m feeling a bit down but my mood overall and my resilience and ability to deal with my depression and anxiety has increased massively! I’m productive, able to pull myself up a lot easier and a lot less likely to fall into a deep depression. All the hard work seems to be paying off! 
If you’re interested about mental health and have any questions, by all means drop me a line and ask away! I can’t guarantee a clear answer as the topic is very rarely clear but I’m more than happy to share my story, the things that worry me most and how I cope. 
Alternatively if you need more structured help check out the sites below, find your local mental health services and counsellors or visit your local A&E if you’re fearing for yours or someone else’s life. 
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