Lasts and Firsts

It’s been nearly a month since I’ve posted anything. Sorry about that. I’ve been a little busy! Lots of freelance work, a little volunteering but most of all I was getting ready to leave my job.

After nearly 4 years at my job, I took redundancy and decided it was high time to try something new. I was sad to go, but excited for the next big adventure. Nervous, but excited. So over the last few weeks, I spent a lot of time focusing on the lasts. The last time I’m going to run a session for Go Think Big. The last time I was going to go to get curried goat, rice and peas for lunch from my regular place. The last time I’d be able to walk 10 steps from my building to my favourite bar. The last time I’d sit and have lunch with my team in the middle of work. The last time I’d travel up to Leicester to the head office. The last time I’d be able to make ridiculous jokes and hear the familiar voices and groans. The last time I’d lock up the office.

In a way it was really sad to go. But I wasn’t upset. It was a strange sensation. I was leaving people I loved working with, friends and colleagues I respected but I was fine. For me, this time, I switched very quickly from focusing on my “Lasts” to going back to “Firsts”. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried new things since I started this job but they’ve been things that I’ve done extra. My job was a constant. Now, I’m going to have to try to establish a new constant in my life at my new job. It’s excited and nerve-wracking at the same time.

But now, I get to focus fully on the exciting firsts again. My first day (which is tomorrow, scary). My first paycheck. My first friend at the new job. My first lunch. My first work drinks (please please please let there be work drinks). My first opportunity to prove myself. My first big mistake. My first meeting. My first young person to support. My first experience working in International Development. My first joke in the new office (this one will be crucial to establish myself I think.).

Don’t get me wrong, most of these Firsts are going to be exciting, but f*** me, it’s also kind of terrifying. After years of new people coming into a place where I’m comfortable, it’s my turn to be the new guy. Times like these, while positive, can really trigger a person’s anxiety. It can really make people feel awful, awkward and scared to be themselves. There’s a high chance that this’ll happen to me too. I fully expect it to. So I’m going to prepare myself. I’m bringing things that I know will calm me down during the day. Music and noise cancelling headphones are first, of course. I’m going to bring a book. Maybe even bring my camera and my new macro lens. It’s going to be an amazing chance for me to be brave, grow and learn to beat my anxiety.

Wish me luck.

A

P.S. Thank you to all the people that I’ve worked with over the last 4 years, whether that was at the NYA, Go Think Big, the old Think Big programme, and all the amazing friends I’ve made through partners, other charities, events etc.

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