It’s been a while (as usual) since I’ve posted. I’ve been so busy running around the UK for work, travelling back and forth back home and planning and running a gig with some friends. Last month was pretty great but it has left me in a state of exhaustion. Hayfever is kicking in as well now which has left me feeling extra lethargic.
That’s actually the biggest problem I have right now. My eyes are constantly sore and my nose is clogged up. This in turn is preventing me from sleeping properly and that then affects my moods. I’ve been finding conversation extremely difficult this week which has then given me panic attacks. Even with some of my closest friends, I’ve been struggling to even say a single word.
When I do manage to utter a word, my brain has gone into overdrive thinking about whether or not I said the right thing or spoke appropriately which again can send me into either a frantic panic or a quiet “I’m just not going to say anything” panic.
All of these things have caused my mood to slip. It’s caused me to go from having a really great, exciting month in May, to an oil covered slide into my own broken brain. I’m trying my hardest not to slip too far and am trying to make sure that I’ve got interesting things to do and to work towards.
Several times, I’ve tripped over my own words, my own thoughts and my own feelings this month. I’ve flip-flopped on so many decisions and allowed myself to fall into old habits. For example, my old kryptonite, takeaways. I fucking love a good takeaway but I know full well that they’re neither thrifty or healthy.
These last two weeks or so have been exceptionally difficult for me to function but my mental flips are but a temporary affliction I’m sure. I’m going to try my best not to let my mental flips control me. If you’re having slips, trips and mental flips, just stay strong and remember that none of this is not your fault. You are not and will not ever be alone. If you need to take some time to look after yourself, do it. You’re number 1 always.