I’ve been on tablets now for 11 days. It’s not been the smoothest of sailing. My appetite has been very up and down. Some days (or even parts of the day) my appetite would be so huge. I would be starving until I took that first bite then I’d feel sick instantly. Other times I’d not be hungry at all despite not having eaten for hours.
My mood has also been equally up and down. Some parts of the day I would absolutely not want to speak to anyone and other parts I feel almost like myself again, able to hold a conversation and able to laugh at jokes. The evenings I feel a little more relaxed in the new place. I have my own space for the first time since I was born (excluding that year at uni). My housemate is very understanding if I want to just sit in my room and recuperate.
I’ve also been back at work for the week. After two weeks off at Christmas, two days working from home, one day in the office and leaving early, then a week and a half off sick, I found it really difficult to go back. I was desperate to get back into a routine but my anxiety was also sky high. I felt like all eyes would be on me and there would be tons of attention my way. Luckily the team at work are also pretty damn good at understanding my moods. I’ve not been able to manage full days so I’ve been getting to work a little later than normal and leaving a little bit earlier but it’s definitely helped me ease back into a routine of some sort.
I’ve also been trying to make myself commit to some positive actions for my physical and mental health.
- Play more music. Record more music. Listen to more music. Sing more. – Do I even need to say any more? Music is the greatest healer, the best comforter and the number one thing to relax and bring a bit of joy. It’s also a powerful tool for social change. Case in point – Akala.
- Be sociable – Even if that means dragging people to the new house which is my comfort zone at the moment.
- Cook more – Making my own food is not only tasty and healthy, the process of cooking is also extremely therapeutic for me.
I’m still not even close to getting back to my normal self. I find it extremely exhausting trying to be “normal” for other people. It’s tiring to smile when I don’t want to. However, I’m actively forcing myself to take positive actions to improve my health so that I am smiling for real. It can be really hard and extremely scary, panic attack inducing even but it could also massively aid you in your recovery if you start to force yourself to do things that you’re scared of doing even though you know it’s good for you.
I’m determined to get better and I hope sharing my experiences will help you get better too.